


Patient: Gideon Grey

by Leenden



Category: Zootopia
Genre: childhood abuse mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-24 03:10:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7491087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leenden/pseuds/Leenden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After yet another instance of violent behaviour, Seventeen-year-old Gideon Grey finds himself in court-ordered therapy sessions. Thirteen of them to be precise and if he doesn't attend them, then it's off to prison for a very long time. Dr Hamm is all too eager to help her first and only patient get to the bottom of why he's so troubled and what's causing his uncontrollable temper. But there's some skeleton's in Gideon's closet, that may just be too frightening to face alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Session One

**Author's Note:**

> I know that there are some grammatical errors in this work. I wrote it strictly from the heart from start to finish. When I saw Gideon Grey, I felt a connection to him almost instantly and by writing this, it's really helped me deal with some of my own demons, so please read for the quality of the content and not the grammar. Thank you.
> 
> Also note, when you read any of my Zootopia Fanfictions this Gideon Grey is the same one through all of them.

The sound of ocean waves crashing on the beach was annoying at first, but a few minutes into the session Gideon noticed it made the air in the room feeling calmer, more relaxed. It lent itself nicely to the cool interior of the room. Pale blue walls that melted into white paneling halfway down the walls. The floor was covered in a freshly cleaned white carpet.

The couch was soft and homey, each cushion covered in a white and blue checkered fabric, the wooden frame sanded and painted white. The coffee table was made of the same log like fashion, sanded and painted white to make the couch. White and blue gingham curtain fluttered in the mid-morning breeze.

A frame hung on the wall holding a very official looking document a name scrawled across it right about the golden seal read. 'Janice Hamm, MD' licensed psychiatrist. It was a simple diploma, direct to the point. Next to it lay several bookshelves, simple in their design, covered with row after row of books. Not medical texts, but novels both fictional and non-fictional. It looked as though they would belong in someone's home, which was precisely where they were.

Across from the couch sat a young pig, dressed in a rather professional looking maroon suit tight against her curvy body. The white button up shirt under the jacket had the first two buttons undone, a golden cross rest against her pink flesh. Her legs crossed gracefully beneath the tight maroon skirt she wore. A tuft of red hair curled over her forehead and back between her floppy ears, each decorated with a single silver hoop each. Her amber eyes were tucked neatly behind a pair of black rimmed glasses.

“Mr. Grey, are you alright?” Her voice was soft, sweet like honey, but her drawl was thick. “Oh yeah, sorry. I was thinkin' of sumthin.” The fox sitting across from her squirmed on the couch, sitting up.

When she shifted, her leather chair squeaked and moaned, it caused Gideon to wince a bit, the sound too sharp for his sensitive ears. The pudgy fox ran his fingers through his hair, know that all his moving must have tussled his hair. This was his first time meeting Dr. Hamm, he wanted to make some kind of impression that didn't make him look like an imbecile. He smoothed down his purple flannel shirt that hung open around his black T-shirt beneath it. The new pair of blue jeans bit into his chubby tummy, making him feel uncomfortable.

“I know you're nervous about opening up to a complete stranger, but the court has issued to come here and work on your anger issues.” She rested the cap of her fancy pen against her pink-tinted lips.

“I..know,” Gideon grunted, his accent growing thicker the quieter he spoke.

“Alright, would you prefer starting with easy questions.”

“I'm not stupid if that's what you're getting at.”

“No, I would never say that Mr. Grey.”

“Stop calling me that...please.” Gideon snapped, immediately feeling guilty for this new spike of anger.

“Would you rather I call you Gideon?”

“Please...Mr. Grey is my papa.”

“I understand.”

Gideon took a deep breath and sighed out, his blue eyes tracing the room for what must have been the tenth time in the five minutes since he arrived. Dr. Hamm got up from her seat and moved over to sit next to Gideon on the couch, reaching into her pocket pulling out a caramel hard candy. She held up the golden wrapper to him, giving him a soothing smile.

“Want one?”

Gideon didn't say anything, he took it from her with trembling fingers the paper crinkling as he lowered it into his lap. He gave her a grateful nod and unwrapped it, feeling shy about her being so close to him.

“These are my favorite candies in the whole world. I have a whole bag of them in my desk drawer, you can have as many as you want. All I ask is that you answer my questions. One for every piece of candy.”

“You know I'm not a kid right?”

“I know, I'm just trying to get you to open up to me. I'm your therapist now and you're my first...and only client. I wanna help you, Gideon.”

“Kay but nothing I say can leave this here room?”

“Nothing. The only reason you're here talking to me is to help you cope with some of the anger that's bouncing around in your head.”

“Kay.”

“May I ask you some questions now?”

“Yeah, but you gotta give me another candy,”

“Nuh-uh, remember a candy for a question.”

“Yeah, you just asked me if you can ask a question.”

Dr. Hamm went quiet for a moment, Gideon could tell that she was trying to figure out what he was talking about, a smile spread across her lips, brightening her rounded face.

“Clever.”

“Sometimes.”

Dr. Hamm returned to her seat with a groaning squeak. She reached into her jacket pocket pulling out five more candies, putting them on the coffee table between them. Gideon looked at the five candies and nodded slowly. The rules of the game were laid out for him and Dr. Hamm seemed like a fair person to play with.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

Gideon pocketed one of the candies, his eyes finding Dr. Hamm's face wearing a contented smile. “Why are you here, today?”

“Court ordered me to, I lost my temper and beat up a kid.”

“Why?”

Gideon paused for a long moment mulling over the reason, his eyes rocking back and forth as if he were reading a book looking for the answer in his subconscious. It always seemed like a jumble of thoughts weaved between anger induced fugues. Temper tantrums are what Gideon called them or at least it's what he heard his mama yelled at him about.

“He...called me a fag?”

Dr. Hamm's eyes went wide as she jotted something down on the paper. Gideon felt a knot of anger welling up inside of him, he clenched his fist feeling one of the candies crumbling against the other. What's she writin'? A chiding tone played in the back of his head. Who does she think she is, analyzing me?

“Why, would they use such a terrible word on you?” Dr. Hamm's tone was soft, nurturing beyond anything Gideon had heard in a long time.

The anger in his mind sizzled out, turning to a lump of regret in his throat. One that he would swallow down to regret he hoarded in his heart. It always came with the gut wrenching guilt instilled him since he was young when the anger started. The question bounced around in his head for a few moment's longer.

“I don't know,” He answered in earnest.

“Now you don't get a candy for those types of answers.” The joke struck Gideon as funny, in a way that made his jaw go slacked, but not laugh came out.

“I like to bake,” Gideon said it was more of a statement rather than an answer, but it is what he and Mason had been fighting about.

“Baking huh. That's one of my favorite things to do in the world, I mean if you couldn't tell.” She motioned to her curvy chest, belly, and hips.

“Ain't nothing wrong with that, Doc.”

“Where did you learn to bake?”

“From my grandma.”

Gideon paused again, the mere mention of the woman felt like a cool summer breeze across his face. It was as soothing as the ocean sounds, even more so. Gideon smiled despite himself, it was the smile of a child, someone who had seen something amazing and didn't know how to describe it. A kid who just did an awesome trick on his bike and his best friend saw it.

“You spent a lot of time with your grandma, huh?”

“I've spent almost ever summer with her since I was ten. There was an incident involving a bunny and I got in trouble, sent away.”

“What happened?”

“I beat her up.”

“I'm noticing a pattern here, why do you respond to others with violence.”

“I dunno, I just get mad sometimes. I don't like being told what to do, I don't like being told I'm, stupid. I...do not like...being hit.”

“The bunny hit you?”

“Yeah.”

“Who else hit you?”

“Mr. Grey.” Gideon felt his brows becoming tighter, his face heating up.

“Your dad?”

“Not hardly, he's my step-dad.”

“What happened to your real dad?”

“Died, when I was a baby.” Gideon started digging his thumb claw into his thigh working a hole in the denim.

“How?”

“Doesn't matter, he's gone.”

“Gideon, please let me help you.”

“I don't need your help.”

Gideon pulled his hand away, he saw a red spot pooling against the fabric of his new jeans. Dr. Hamm looked down at his wound a sad look coming to her face. She looked at her watch and shook her head.

“Time up, now let's take a look at your leg.”

Gideon didn't respond, he was feeling another pang of regret flowing down with another heavy swallow of his deteriorating pride. Dr. Hamm helped him up from the couch, leading him along to the guest bathroom. Gideon wanted to say sorry, wanted to apologize for the anger that always seemed to bubble up inside, but all he managed was a quiet thank you.

“Anytime. Please remember that I here for you Gideon.” She looked at him over the upper rims of his glasses and gave him a smile. Gideon rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a blush heating up in his ears.

 


	2. Session Two

Ten-year-old Gideon cackled as if he were crazy, lurching forward to grab Travis' legs hoisting him in the air. The tiny weasel laughed, trying to get away but failing under Gideon's strong grasp. The sky was gray and full of low hanging clouds. Rain fell in large drop sheets that patted every leaf on every stock of corn in the field. Where many would stay inside and hide from the elements, this was the perfect type of day for boys to be boys.

Gideon dropped Travis in the mud, slipping down to one knee. He was careful not to crush him under his weight. It had been an entire summer since he and his best friend in the world been together like this. After the incident, Gideon had been sent to live with his grandmother in Fox Downs, leaving Gideon only a few phone calls to Travis over the long summer. But now they were back together and raising hell like the old days.

Travis put his feet in Gideon's chest giving a hard push, sending him falling back in the mud. Travis squirmed free and pounced on his friend trying to grapple the much larger fox, but thanks to their fur being soaked from the rain, sticky from the mud Gideon managed to escape. Hugging the weasel close, giving a firm roll over to pin the tiny weasel beneath him.

“Time out...ugh.”

Gideon heard Travis moan, shifting to his knees next to the boy. They were both breathing hard, their arms and legs tired from the tussle. Was Travis okay? Gideon thought but was far too tired to ask.

“What the hell was that?” Travis panted squirming away.

“What?”

“That...you rubbed something on me.”

“Mud probably.” Gideon started to laugh.

The laugh died in his throat as he saw the look on Travis' face twist in disgust. “Do you have a boner?”

“What? No..yeah I guess. But it's these coveralls, they rub funny something fierce.”

“More like you rub something fierce.”

Travis got up from the ground starting to walk away, Gideon got to his feet running after him. In the storm, Gideon wasn't thinking clearly. His head was a mess, he grabbed his hand pulling him into a kiss. Travis pulled away bringing a fist hard across the larger foxes muzzle. The punch was solid enough to shutter the fox's teeth sending him to a knee on the wet ground. Gideon knew it was a step too far, but he and Travis had always been close. Thought they may have been closer at times. After being apart for so long Gideon had time to consider things and now they were together again. None of it made sense to him, and yet it all made sense.

“You gone fag on me?” Travis spat the kiss in Gideon's face.

“What? No.”

“Why you kissin' me and rubbin' your dick on me?”

“I just thought we were...”

Travis brought another punch down on Gideon, this one sent a white flash behind his eyes. The punch was twice as hard, hard enough to drop Gideon into the mud. It didn't hurt nearly as bad as the thought that whatever existed between Travis and Gideon was all a figment of his imagination.

“Stay away from me Gideon Gay, if you ever come around I'll gut you.”

***

“That was the last time I ever spoke to him.”

Dr. Hamm had stopped writing in her notebook a long time ago, instead, she sat slack-jawed in her chair. Gideon could see by the look on her face that she'd not expected this second session to go so well. There was something to this pig that Gideon liked. The fact that she'd taken the time to talk to him and bandage his leg up, the week before, made her a little more trust-worthy than even he thought at the beginning.

The fox watched as the pig picked up her tea cup in one trembling hand, sipping the spicy smelling tea. When she leaned to set it down, it slipped from her finger hitting the edge of the table spilling. The brown liquid washed over the brown table sinking into the painted pores across the top catching on the raised lip around the top. Dr. Hamm swore under her breath as she raced out of the room. Without thinking about it Gideon got up from the couch, using his clean handkerchief to clean up the mess on the coffee table.

“Oh no, please don't bother. I'm...” Dr. Hamm knelt down, picking up the pieces of the broken cup, laying them on the table.

Gideon moved around the table on all fours, dabbing up the brown spots on the carpet trying to soak them away, but it was no use. They were there and would remain there unless Dr. Hamm had something a little stronger than a handkerchief to clean them up.

“I'll take care of this later, I don't...” Dr. Hamm looked down at the cup on the table and sighed. “My favorite cup. I'm sucha butter finger.” Gideon noticing her drawl becoming more severe under stress.

“I'm sorry Dr. Hamm.”

“It's not your fault, swee...I mean Gideon.”

Dr. Hamm got up from the floor smoothing her spring yellow blouse down. When she held her hand out to Gideon, he was surprised at how strong she was pulling him to his feet. They shared a smile before taking their seats again.

“You're mighty strong for a bookworm.”

“And you're mighty thoughtful for a redneck.”

Gideon laughed, slapping his knee. “Been a while since anyone called me that, kinda nice.”

“What do they usually call you?”

The laughter died down to a slow yucking, Gideon averted his gaze from the pig's amber eyes. “Names I wouldn't say in front of you.”

“Fag?”

“Well yeah, but there's others that are to be used in polite society.”

“Be that as it may, it's important for me to hear them. I'll put them in this notebook and they'll be locked up safe and sound. They won't hurt me...or you ever again.”

Gideon shuffled his feet along the carpet. His eyes taking in the room in more detail. There were so many pictures of Dr. Hamm with all these people around town. Some were pictures of her with the Hopps, her mother, but there was something missing in them. She had no pictures of her father. Gideon couldn't be sure if that was something important or not, but he filed it away in the back of his mind to consider.

“Gideon, you've been doing so well, don't shut down now.”

“What was the worse thing anyone ever called you?” Gideon didn't look at her, instead, he stared at one picture in particular.

In the picture, Dr. Hamm was standing in a red graduation gown. On one side was her mother with a huge smile on her face and an arm wrapped around her shoulder. On the other side was a black silhouette where someone was cut out of. All that was left was a hand rested on her other shoulder.

“I was called a fat, worthless sow, that wouldn't amount to nothing and no one would care if I lived or died.”

Gideon snatched around, his mouth hanging open. “Who would say that to _you_? You're like the smartest person I know.”

“It was my dad. He'd been drinking when I got my acceptance letter to ZUM. He was furious, I told him I wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to help people instead of being just a farmer. Now he was proud of me when I graduated, but I guess I couldn't bring myself to forgive him for what he said. Parents should love their kids, and support them in their endeavors. Be there to pick them up when they fail, that's how you grow.”

“Wow, how do you stay so calm with that bouncing around in your head?”

“I work to be better than what other people think of me.”

Gideon looked away again, tears were welling up in his eyes, he gritted his teeth. His hands clenching into fists. Another spike of anger washed over him, burning behind his eyes, tensing in his shoulder. There was something stabbing in the back of his brain.

“What are you thinking about, Gideon?”

***

Gideon arrived home at the family farm. How had he gotten there? He didn't remember the walk at all. The side of his head ached from where he was punched and he felt like vomiting. The rain had only gotten worse. The sky was completely dark, filled periodically by the bright flashes of lightning, that danced through the clouds. And always there was it's inevitable counterpart, thunder, that shook the ground beneath the young fox's feet. The rain chilled him to the bone. Like little ice cubes that cutting through his thick fur.

On the pathway leading to his the front porch, Gideon could see the silhouette of his step dad against the light shining from the front door. The light shone through the brown glass of a beer bottle clutched in his hand. With nausea came fear. It boiled inside him like a geyser ready to blow. His terrible day was about to get worse.

Gideon started down the path to his front porch, he didn't even make it half way before his step dad jumped down the three steps charging at him. Gideon dodged out of fear slipping into the mud. He could hear the crazed words spouting from his the madman's mouth, only a few of he'd heard before, but were to never be repeated. At one point he heard his mom calling out the man she called husband.

“Don't hurt him, Ed.”

The first hit had taken the air out of his lungs. A firm punch to the rib cage as Gideon squirmed to get up. It only succeeded in knocking him down again. Gideon gasped for air choking on the hitch in his lungs. There was no fight in him, he lay there feeling a grip on his ear pulling. He knew if he didn't get up the monster would take it clean off.

“Ed!”

Gideon barely heard his mother over the fit that his step dad was throwing. “Get up you fat piece a...”

At one point the ground had fallen away under Gideon, the larger fox literately lifting him from the ground and throwing him a few feet closer to the old woodshed out back the house. Gideon still fought for air, tears stinging his eyes, snot bubbling out of his nose. The screams of that madman were drowned out by his sobs.

“Stop crying!” Was followed by a hard slap across his muzzle, a strong canine cutting his lip. “Ya hear me, only bitches cry, but I guess you'd know all about that.”

“What I do, daddy?”

“You know what you did...sucking dick like sum uppity whore.”

Gideon tried to rationalize what he'd heard, it didn't set it at first until the third blow came in. It had happened so fast, he didn't even know where it came from or where it went. It just sent him down on all fours in the mud. He saw the bare feet of his step dad dancing around him, the words barely cutting through the ringing in his ear.

“...vis' dad came in the bar tonight. You know what he said?”

Gideon opened his mouth to respond, a solid kick to the ribs stole words from his lips, the air from his lungs again, but Gideon was too out of it to care now. Death would have been better as he already knew what the next words were going to be. Gideon felt everything come up at once as he threw up in the mud all in one heavy rush.

“What's the matter boy, eat something you should of? God's making you get rid of you cock sucking ways.”

“I...didn't...”

“You like boys? You like stickin' them...or maybe you like to be the one stuck. Sure are in the right position for it.”

Gideon tried to crawl away, tried to find somewhere to escape the monster, but a heavy boot to his rear sent him face first into the sick and the mud, he fought to roll over to spit, to breath. Everything was too hard now, he just wanted it over.

That's when he felt the pull of his strap on his coveralls. His dad was dragging him somewhere when it snapped he saw the shadow of the monster fall to his knees in the mud. Gideon found it funny in a way, funny enough to laugh despite the taste of blood in his mouth.

“You fat bastard...”

Another slap across his muzzle only halted the laugh for a second, before he started it up again. He felt his other strap being pulled until he was against the wood pile next to the shed. He lay in the mud for what felt like a long time, he couldn't tell by the whirling that was happening in his brain. That was when he felt a thick belt being tugged around his neck, the sound of the chain. He opened his eyes in time to see his step dad hitch him to the wall of the shed.

“Laugh at me...”

Gideon felt something running along his back as his shirt fell open, his father sheared it clean off, pulling it and throwing it in the mud. Then came his coveralls and his underwear until Gideon was naked as a baby on his birthday.

“You gonna act like a savage, I'll treat you like one.”

Gideon tried to call for help but felt his jaw forcefully pulled shut, tied in place by a rope. When he tried to untie the rope, his step dad twisted his arms behind his back tying his hands together. Gideon felt a hand clutching the side of his face pushing him into the mud.

“No wonder your dad died, weren't no accident, just didn't want to live with the disappointment that his only son was a faggot.”

The tears came again, this time, they were desperate pleas for it to be over. The harder they came the hotter they felt, the angrier he became. His muffled yells trapped by the rope grinding the fur away from around his muzzle. He fought against the chain at his neck only choking the life out of him, he pulled at the ropes around his hands.

The light crashed in the fields, Gideon could feel the rumble of where the lightning hit. The roll of the thunder drowned out everything for a brief second. Everything was peaceful, but only for a second before the horrible coarse, violent tone of the monster.

“You stay out here with the rest of animals.” His step dad spat on the back of his head, before turning and walking away.

 ***

“...and I stayed out there all night.”

Tears drifted down from Gideon's eyes following the same path as the others that came before it, his hand rubbing a raw spot on the back of the other. He'd not looked at Dr. Hamm for the entire story, not wanting to see the judging look on his face. Not wanting to know what she might think of him.

“In the morning, mama came and got me. Took me in, cleaned me up, and told me never to tell anyone about it.”

Now that the story was all said and done he turned to look at her, surprised to see tears running down her rounded cheeks. Her notebook page looked as though she'd left it out in the rain. The blue ink running in a beautiful pattern. Gideon took a tissue from the box on the desk and held it out to her.

“Don't ruin your book, Dr. Hamm.”

“It's okay...” She sniffled, getting up from her seat to take the tissue.

The pig moved close using the tissue to clean away his tears. The gesture surprised him, he reached up snatching her wrist squeezing enough for her to make a noise, but she didn't try to pull away. They just stared at each other.

“I'm sorry...”

Gideon let her go, backing away until his back hit the wall. His heart was hammering in his chest. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and sniffled. Dr. Hamm was just standing there looking at him, shocked beyond all belief.

“It's okay, Gideon.”

Gideon felt a sigh of relief when she finally spoke, it brought another lump to his throat threatening to make him cry again, but he coughed it away. Choking the fresh wave of tears in his eyes up to the fake frog in his throat.

“I guess our time..is over.”

“Yeah, about twenty minutes ago, but I couldn't bring myself to interrupt you.”

“Listen I...”

Dr. Hamm held up her hand and gave him a reassuring smile. “We had a really good day today. I'm so proud of you for sharing this with me. Let's keep this momentum up next week.”

“You still wanna see me after I put my hands on you.”

“Sweetie...” The words came out more motherly than professionally. “I mean, Gideon I was the one who overstepped my bounds. You were emotionally uncomfortable and I invaded your space. The way you reacted wasn't just justified, it was your right. I'll be better about it.”

“I'm not in trouble.”

“Course not. Promise you'll be back same time next week.”

“Promise.”

“I'm not gonna have to make you spit promise am I.”

“No, doc.” Gideon chuckled, finally starting to breathe easy.

“Good.” Dr. Hamm came up to him, taking his arm and leading him to the front door. “Try to have a good day, think of this as a groundbreaking step into make you feel better about yourself.”

“I will. Thanks, doc.”

“Anytime.”

Gideon stepped through the door, his ears falling back as he heard the door close behind him. The familiar lonely feeling coming back as he walked along the cobblestone walkway to his bike leaning on the fence.

 


	3. Session Three

It was hot in the room, even with the two stand fans and the windows being open it was almost too hot. Gideon had since unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves, his inner voice yelling at him for not wearing shorts today. Dr. Hamm had the right idea, she sat across the coffee table sporting casual clothes. A pair of khaki shorts that road really high on her thighs and a thin flannel patterned shirt tied under her ample breasts and no sleeves. Periodically she would push her glass back up her snout as they kept slipping down from the sweat.

“I'm sorry it's so hot in here.” She spoke, looking down at her watch waiting for the session to start.

“S'okay.” Gideon tugged at the white undershirt that felt like ti was creeping up to his throat.

“Big Jim will be here in a bit.”

“James Melner?”

“Senior, not his son.”

“Good. I mean the Melner's are alright people, but Jim's a dick.”

“Oh, one of the kids who bullied you.”

“Sorta.”

“Would you like to start with that? If not, I understand. Last week was pretty rough, I just want move at a pace that's good for you.”

“There ain't much to say really. Well, I guess I was twelve or thirteen...”

***

Gideon climbed down from the bus cautiously. The sign on the front gate to the school read, 'James Woodchuck Middle School'. There was something too that, Gideon considered. One of the few things about being in a foster family that was actually good. A new school a new neighborhood. Things would be different for sure.

The front lawn was littered with kids, running around, or standing in their obvious groups. Athletes, goths, nerds, each of the groups was represented. Gideon thought it would be best to avoid all the groups until someone approached him. Gideon decided it would be better that way.

The excited kids ready to show off all their new clothes and supplies. Even Gideon had gotten some new duds thanks to his grandma, which was good since over the summer he'd grown like a weed. It didn't help that his grandma had been teaching him how to bake. Pies, cakes, custards, all of those things. It also didn't help his acne any, but at least his mom had been nice enough to get him some medicine.

A little skunk girl ran in front of him, Gideon managed to dodge before they collided. He could hear her raspy voice screaming sorry as she pursued the girl she was chasing. Gideon had been in the school yard for almost three minutes and not one slur uttered at him. Not one accusation of loving boys, this could be the year that things changed.

“Look out.”

Someone called to him from the left, but it was too late something hard bounced off the side of Gideon's head knocking him down onto the sidewalk. Something bubbled inside of him, an anger moving through him threatening to boil out. It grew with the spattering of laughter from the other kids.

“Hey, shut up you guys.”

A soft voice called out and the laughter died out. The throbbing in the side of Gideon's head caused him to wince when he touched it. But it seem to stop when he felt something soft touch it. Gideon opened his eyes he saw a small snow leopard standing over him. Piercing blue eyes and a cute face, broad for someone so young. He wore a purple ZFL shirt with the number thirty-three on it.

“Are you alright?”

Gideon rolled over on his back, the kid almost fell on top of him by the sudden movement, but his large tail swept around helping him regain his balance. Gideon tried to speak, but he just stared at the pretty boy that was concerned over him.

“He ain't dead is he?”

A large zebra called from the group of athletes. The snow leopard and Gideon both turned to look at him. The zebra was easily the tallest kid in the yard wearing a sheepskin football jacket. The number one plastered proudly on his chest.

“TBD, Malcolm.” The leopard turned back to Gideon.

“TBD?” Gideon asked, stupefied as to if he should be insulted or not.

“Oh, To Be Determined, TBD. I'm glad you can speak, I was worried Malcolm knocked the sense out of you.”

“I guess that's still TBD.”

The snow leopard laughed helping Gideon to his feet. “That's a good attitude, sorry I didn't catch the ball in time.”

“It's cool, I gotta hard head anyway, so it didn't hurt that bad.” Again the snow leopard laughed, whether it was fake or not, Gideon could tell.

“My names Jimmy...” The snow leopard did a jump spin pointing with his thumb to the name on the back of his shirt.

“Milner...”

“That's right, my dad is Big Jim.”

“Fixes air conditioners, that's cool.”

“So what's your name?”

“Gideon Grey.”

Gideon wasn't sure what he expected to happen, but he shied away from the young boy's gaze. The boy was definitely lost in thought for a long moment. At any moment he was sure that everything was going to fall apart at this moment. Maybe it wasn't going to be as good a year as he thought it was going to be.

“So what are you?”

The question both confused Gideon and angered him in light of the old feelings working their way deeper inside of him. Gideon cocked his head, looking at the leopard the question evident on his face.

“Well, are you a goth kid? I don't think you are. How about a dork? Maybe that one.”

“What?”

When Gideon questioned the snow leopard cuffed him playfully in the shoulder. “I'm just kidding, I know the perfect place for you. Come on.”

The snow leopard started back towards the other athletes who were spreading out across the yard to get a better look at this so called recruit. It wasn't just them looking either, Gideon noticed the other kids in the yard watching as he approached the kids that were much taller and bigger than he was.

“Fellas, this is Gideon Grey. I think he would fit nicely in out group.”

“Are you serious?” A large rhino grunted, snorting a laugh through his nose.

“Looks like a dough boy to me.” A board shouldered tiger bumped shoulders with the zebra, Malcolm.

“Alright, shut up.” Malcolm grabbed the jerseys of his two fellow players. “You vouch for him, Jimmy?”

“Hell yeah, this guy took a shot to the head and got up almost immediately. None of these pansies could have done that.”

“He's gotta point.” A short stocky pig uttered from where he sat on the grass.

“Alright, he's in. We gotta find a sport he's good at, though.”

“I think I have an idea.” Jimmy shot a look to Gideon.

***

Dr. Hamm finished jotting down the details in her notebook, before using it to fan herself off. Gideon reached for the water bottle that sat on the table in front of him. A small puddle of condensation gathered on the table top. The water against his drying lips and tongue, when he finished gulping down have the bottle he capped it and put it back.

“Doesn't sound like that bad of a kid, to be honest.”

“Well not at first. He got me onto the wrestling team as a backup, always wanted to be my wrestling partner too. It was a bit unfair because I was bigger than him, but he was good at pinning me. Sat next to him at lunch all the time and even stayed the night at his house. He had this great big tree house in his backyard, it was fantastic.”

“That's so sweet, Gideon. I'm glad you were able to make a friend.”

“Well, at least for a little while.”

“What happened?”

“Jimmy pulled me aside one Friday after wrestling practice, he wanted me to stay the night at his house.”

***

Gideon climbed out of the old car, it shuttered under the loss of his weight. “I'll be back in the morning, Mrs. Silvers.”

“Sounds...will you two shut up.” The beaver shouted to the two other children fighting in the back. “Sounds good dear, but if you want a ride just gimme a call and I'll come get you.”

“Okay, goodbye.”

Gideon barely had a moment to close the door before the old car peeled away leaving Gideon standing in the cold and the snow. When he breathed out, he could see his breath on the air. It tingled on his lips, hurting his teeth a little when he breathed in again. Gideon walked along the freshly shoved sidewalk to the towering metal gate before him, Gideon dusted the snow from the gate's call button console, finding the red button.

“Whose speaking?”

“Gideon, sir.”

“Oh, yes James has been expecting you. Stand clear of the gate and I'll open it.”

Gideon stepped back to the curb, trusting his hands in the pockets of his thick jacket. When the gates started opening it gave a single ear piercing honk that caused the fox to jump startled. Gideon waiting until there was a big enough gap in the gate before hurrying through up the driveway. The garden out front looked beautiful in the snow. The fake tree topiary looked majestic, like feral leopard sculptures ready to pounce. The lights coming from the flood lamps placed around the yard it made them glisten from the snow.

Jimmy gave a whistle from the large porch along the front of his house. The snow leopard was waving his arms crazily, beckoning the pudgy fox to hurry. Gideon gave a wave back, cutting through the yard to make the walk shorter. When they met on the porch, Gideon stopped cold, the small snow leopard looked beautiful in his purple turtle neck. The chubby fox felt a blush coming to his ears, luckily he could chock it up to the cold.

“Man, I thought you were never going to get here. Let's get inside, I got so much fun stuff planned tonight.”

After a series of removing article of outdoor wear the teen tore off up the tall luxurious staircase, as always Jimmy won and Gideon would bring up the rear panting and heaving. When Gideon finally reached the top, Jimmy yawned and stretched as if he'd been waiting for a long time. Gideon simply gave him a playful slap in the ribs. Jimmy slapped back several times before tearing off down the hall to his bedroom. Gideon followed close behind him.

The fox was shocked to find that the bedroom was dark, even more so when the door closed behind him. Even though Gideon didn't have any reason to be scared he sensed impending danger. When he backed away towards the door he felt a hand grip his shoulder. A flashlight popping on. Gideon whirled around to see that Jimmy was the one who gripped his shoulder and closed the door.

“What...what is this?”

Gideon was visibly panicked, starting back away from Jimmy, expecting his friend to do something terrible. Instead, the wicked smile dripped away from the young leopard's face and grew soft with concern.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah...just scared. I don't like the dark.”

“Oh...I didn't know. I'm sorry.”

Jimmy reached behind him flipping the lights on. Gideon looked around the room expecting to see a dozen trolls or something worse, but it was just Jimmy's bedroom. The bunk beds, the game stations, toys were strewn about, clothes not put in the hamper. It looked like that same room he'd been in before, nothing more, nothing less. Gideon panted starting to feel stupid for the way he acted, rubbing the back of his neck as it hurt.

“What's going on?”

“I...just don't like the dark. Bad things happen in the dark.”

“I didn't know Gid, I'm sorry.”

“It's alright, I think I might have overreacted.”

“Did you want to talk about it?”

Gideon froze in his place letting his backpack slip from his shoulders to the floor behind him. He was considering what he friend asked him, would he be judged for what happened, or didn't happen. It would be a deep dark secret that only the most trusted could know. There could also be problems if any of the other kids at school found out.

“I know who you are, Gideon.”

“What?”

The chill grew even worse, his friend's blue eyes were piercing into his soul. When Gideon tried to talk, he couldn't bring himself to say anything. Fear was taking hold, pushing him to make a break for the door, but Jimmy barred the way.

“My best friend's brother knows Travis.”

“I gotta go...I can't...”

“Easy, it's okay. I just wanted you to know that I'm the same way.”

“What way?”

Jimmy swallowed hard and dropped his flashlight on the floor, before moving over to the bed. He fished around under his mattress for something. Gideon didn't make a move, one hand resided on his backpack and the other one was angled for the door, ready to run at the first sign of trouble.

“I wanted to become your friend because I don't know anyone in this world like me.”

“Like what?” Gideon shouted.

“You don't have to hide it with me.”

The snow leopard pulled out a small stack of magazines from under his mattress setting them down. Gideon tried to resist, but his curiosity got the better of him, pushing him to move closer. Whatever the magazines were, they weren't for young eyes to see. Tubes, was the title of one, a large zebra endowed to the point where his pants could barely hold him. Cans, was the name of another, a lion's bare butt was front and center. The third one didn't have a cover it was the most worn of the magazines. Gideon may have been slow, but it didn't take a genius to figure out what these magazines represented.

“I got these from a friend. He stole a box of magazines from a shipment to the Seven/Elephant Station down the streets. I offered to burn them, but pocketed them instead.”

“You're gay?”

“Yeah and after what I heard about you, I was so relieved I had someone to talk to about it.”

“Jimmy, I'm not gay.”

“Keep telling yourself that and it's gonna make you sad.”

Jimmy flipped through a few pages of the magazine, Gideon knew what he was trying to do and fought against it. Hard. But the curiosity would win out in the end. Gideon looked down at the images that flipped by. Things that caused him to stir inside. He'd never seen anything like it before except for in his head when he was alone at night. The lap of his pants was grown tighter, a feeling that made him slip down to sit on the floor. Jimmy didn't waste any time in joining him, covering the tightness of his own pants with one of the other magazines.

“These are...”

“Great huh? They're the only three that I got and with the safe search active on my laptop, I can't get on the internet to get more.”

“There's this stuff on the internet.”

“Are you kidding, so much of it. Cindy at school talks about it all the time. Her parents don't care what she looks at as long as she's out of the way.”

“This is...”

“I know...so how far have you gone?”

“What?”

“I mean...have you ever...” Jimmy motioned to a particular picture.

Gideon looked down and blushed, his ears getting hot. At his age, he'd never gotten his fantasies to this point. It was always based on touching with hands, or using mouths. Never anything more than that. Gideon was always concerned that someone he knew or maybe someone in his family had telepathy and could read the filthy thoughts in his head.

“No...”

“Me neither, I used my finger one time, but it hurt. At least at first.”

Gideon felt faint, the thought of doing that made him both queasy and excited. “I don't...think I could do that.”

“Don't be so modest...I bet you'd like it.”

“I don't know. This kinda stuff ain't right.”

“Sure it is. I'll show you.”

Jimmy crawled close to Gideon, the sweet smell of lavender soap in his fur. For a boy Jimmy smelled good, he always did. Always clean and soft, nothing like Gideon. Why would this be happening now? Gideon's heart pounded hard in his chest, his body shuttering nervously. It only got worse when he felt Jimmy's hand on his shoulder. Then a white hot light filled his vision, soft lips touched his. The kiss was gentle, it lured Gideon to lean back on his elbows on the floor.

With his eyes closed, he could only feel the weight of his friend shift to sit straddled across his lap, but the kiss didn't break instead it was deepened by a clumsy coarse tongue probing his mouth. Saliva coated with the taste of cinnamon gum burned the fox's sensitive mouth. When the pair pulled away they looked at each other for a long moment.

***

“That was your first kiss?” Dr. Hamm's cheeks were flushed red, as her pen worked over the paper.

“I guess so.”

“No, it was. It was the first kiss you both shared. It sounded like quite a kiss, I'm still not sure why you consider Jimmy a bad kid.”

“Did you ever wonder why he and his family live in the neighborhood? They use to live in Tundratown. That's where my foster family lived.”

“So, what happened.”

“We spent time together, did the thing that I can't remember clearly. It's all kind of a haze really and then we went to sleep. The next morning I gave him a kiss and went home.”

“And then?”

***

Gideon waiting outside the gate for Jimmy to come to school, but there was no sign of him. After the first bell rang and Jimmy didn't show, Gideon hurried off to his class only to find Malcolm barring the door. Gideon smiled big and offered a wave, but the zebra didn't respond. Instead, he sneered at the pudgy fox.

“I had thought about you two.”

“What?”

“Is that all you ever say dough boy, are you retarded or something.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You and Jimmy rubbing on each other like a bunch horny cats.”

Malcolm pulled out a stack of papers from his backpack. They were blurry pictures taken from a distance, but the content was clear. They were pictures taken the night Gideon and Jimmy spent together.

“How did you...?”

“Once I became wise to you and you butt buddy, I watched you guys closely and you didn't disappoint to put on a show.”

“Where's Jimmy.”

“Home, let's just say his mom and dad weren't happy about the pictures I left in his mailbox. I can't have you two faggots running around the locker rooms getting an eyeful. It's not good for morale.”

Gideon felt a rage pushing through him, a voice he didn't even know he possessed came forward. “You...did...” Then everything went black.

***

“The rest was a blur...From what the cops said, Malcolm was lucky he could throw a ball again. I beat him to a bloody pulp. They never found the pictures.”

“Oh my goodness.”

“Not likely.”

“What happen then.”

“I, of course, was expelled and my foster family was forced to send me back home. Didn't want me endangering their other foster kids. I didn't stay at home long, mom sent me to live with my grandma because she 'just couldn't deal with me'.”

“And Jimmy...”

“He never called me...I've never seen him again.”

“I...”

The doorbell rang, Gideon heard it creak open and a familiar voice calling in. “James Melner, Air Conditioner.”

Dr. Hamm looked down at her watch, noticing that the session had run another half hour beyond schedule. In a quick motion she got up and strode across the room as if she were sneaking speedily through the room. Gideon left the door open a crack so Gideon could see down the hall. Dr. Hamm gathered in the doorway with a tall, muscular leopard up there in years. They were swapping pleasantries, shaking hands and having a familiarized laugh. Gideon's eyes went wide as he saw a shorter leopard join the other two. The same piercing eyes as he'd remembered five years ago. Jimmy had grown to become a very handsome teenager. Still feminine in his stance, but obviously filling out in all the right areas. The young leopard shook hands with the blushing Dr. Hamm, she was already well acquainted with the boy beyond his knowledge.

“Just call me Jimmy.” His sweet voice echoed down the hall.

Gideon's guts wrenched inside, as he turned and pressed his back hard against the wall. Tears welled in his eyes and broke free at the same instant, he covered his mouth to silence the building sobs that followed. Each word the boy spoke cut like a thousand knives. When Gideon could bear to hear the voice anymore, he went to the window, opening it. It was a short drop into the bushes below. They looked like rose bushes, but it didn't matter. All he knew was he had to go...and he had to go now.

 


	4. Session Four

Gideon hefted the bucket of water from the ground by the fence. His steps were rugged and weary from sleeplessness. His body was sore and his knuckles ached, but he wasn't about to give up now. He poured the bucket over the makeshift punching bag that he's built in the back yard. It was nothing more than an old military duffel bag stuffed with straw and hanging from the tree by a chain. The water coursed down the fabric dripping down to the puddle of mud below. When he was done he tossed the bucket away and went back to work.

A solid punch to ribs with his right hand. It sent rivulets of water splashing around him, they were cool on his face. Another punch making sure to keep his left held high to protect his face. Another solid jab, this one for the nonexistent face on the back. One more and it was finished with another two punch combo. Gideon reset his stance and started again, making sure to protect his face from any attackers. He was so lost in the things around him that it took a bit to register the closing of a car door. By the time he registered the footsteps it was too late to retreat so he kept working the bag.

“Gideon.”

He didn't answer, nor did he look. He was already aware of who was behind him. He followed through with another punch, this time in the gut. An image of the bag person throwing up on himself after the solid punch.

“Gideon, you missed our session.”

“Ain't goin' back.”

Gideon swung his knuckles biting the coarse fabric, it wouldn't have been for the work gloves his hands would look like ground beef. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Dr. Hamm leaning against the fence. Her white sundress catching the light of the midday sun. It only distracted him for a second from his next assault on the bag. After a long moment of silence he stopped punching and looked at her, she was writing something in her notebook.

“I didn't know you boxed.”

“I don't. I just hit this bag to help get rid of stress.”

“Better the bag, then someone else.”

“That's what they tell me.”

Gideon punched the back a few more times, his lip curling as he started putting more force behind the punches. Dr. Hamm kept writing in her book. What could she be writing, Gideon grunted unleashing a flurry of light punches against the bag.

“Why do you wet the bag down?”

Gideon didn't answer, he just punched the bag as hard as he could, as it bounced back he'd hammer it square in the chest. A sternum shot, he reasoned, hard enough to stop a heart. The fox didn't know if it was true or not, but the thought brought a wicked grin to his lips.

“The bags your step dad isn't it?”

Gideon grunted with another punch the ground beneath him was slippery from the mud.

“You're back there again...in the rain.”

In his brain he could hear the thunder rolling, another punch was like a lightening strike. The veins in his head blurring his vision.

“Let me in, Gideon.”

There in the darkness, nothing more than the shadow of a monster. The smell of beer and rot on his breath. A muttered word in his ear. The monster did things, terrible things to him. More then he remembered until now.

“He touched me...”

Gideon shouted as he thrust a fist into the bag, so hard that the branch it hung from creaked. Another hit and then another until he was hammering a barrage of punches into the fabric. Another barrage of hits and the zipper split, spilling the straw like guts into the mud. Gideon collapse to his knees in the mud, he heaved and panted hard. Blackness appearing on the edge of his vision and still there was silence from the doctor.

When Gideon finally calmed down and his breathing slowed he could hear the world around him once again. It was joined by the sounds footsteps drawing near. Dr. Hamm knelt in the mud next to him. Gideon's heart raced when he saw her beautiful dress soaking the brown mess. Quickly he reached for it seeing his gloved hands for the first time in a while. The leather around his knuckles was worn through, the fur rubbed away to a bleeding mass beneath. He'd not even noticed the pain, he'd felt nothing for so long. A warm hand rested on his shoulder and it brought his weary gaze to meet Dr. Hamm's, there was a kindness in her face that warmed him.

“I have a unique opportunity in my life. You're my only patient, I don't have anyone else. I don't have a job, so no obligations. My nearest family member is an hour away, so no distractions. You're the only thing that occupies my mind and I'm going to work so hard to help you.”

“I don't think it's helping, I feel angrier now than I did.”

“And you will, this isn't something that can go away almost instantly. There's a lot going on in here.” She locked eyes with him, touching the side of his head. “And worse, there's even more, going on in here.” She poked him in the chest over his heart.

“I'm broken.”

“No, you're not. No one is broken, lost maybe, but never broken.”

Gideon folded his hands in his lap lingering on the brink of tears that only managed to make him angry again. Don't cry, echoed in his head. Stop crying was the first words that came to him mind when he felt the sting of tears in his eyes.

“Let go...” Dr. Hamm touched his cheek, pulling him into a hug.

Gideon didn't hug back, he just rested his face on her shoulder and sobbed. She was smaller than he was and so much stronger than he realized. To feel her fingers against the back of his head petting the sweat soaked hair and fur back there was such a foreign feeling to him and he felt afraid.

 

A hand touched his back in the chill of the morning hours. The ten-year-old Gideon flinched against the warmth, expecting it to be something that would burn him. The ropes at his hands unraveled, he brought them around to keep from falling face first into the morning dew soaked the ground. Those same warm hands, loosening the rope that tied his mouth shut. His jaw ached as he tried to speak, but a soft whispering hush told him to be still. The collar at his neck relinquished its grasp upon him and he gasped for air as if it had been all night since he breathed. His head felt from weakness and he started to slip, the warm hand caught him bringing him to rest on his back. A warm blanket stretched over him, keeping warm. When he finally opened his eye, the other too bruised to see. There was an angel in a white dress watching him, a smile so familiar, and hair as red as the morning sun.

***

Gideon jolted awake, not know how long he'd slept for, but there he remained clutched in Dr. Hamm's arms. The tears had finally stopped, he sat back and looked at her. Her mascara ran down her face from her eyes, if she'd been crying he'd not heard her make a noise. There was strength in her and he'd never known the kindness of someone to offer something like that to him.

“Come on, Gideon. I'm gonna take you to the hospital. Those knuckles need looked at.”

Gideon didn't say anything, he slowly pushed himself up from the ground. His pudgy body was heavier than he'd ever felt it before, but for the first time in a long time, his head was clear.

The ride to the hospital had been mercifully quiet. Gideon didn't have much to say, even less now that the doctor knew the truth about what his stepdad had done. He dreaded the questions that this revelation would bring, but there was no going back now.

When Gideon and Dr. Hamm finally got put in a room, dinner time wasn't far off and Gideon found himself hungry, but too weary to eat. It had been a long time since the doctor had spoken beyond filling the nurse in on who she was in relation to Gideon. As his doctor, she was able to skip some of the legal documents and guardian paperwork. Gideon was just relieved to be in a quiet space away from everyone looking at him, knowing that they were judging him for what happened.

“You step dad...touched you huh?”

“Doc...”

“Gideon, I need you to answer me.”

“Yes...he did.”

“When?”

“I was six when he started...didn't want to do it to his own kids. But his brother's kid that's fair game.”

Dr. Hamm made a note in her book, obviously uncomfortable with this topic. “What...did.”

“Lots of stuff.”

“Did he ever...pen...?” Dr. Hamm stopped, clutching her hands over her eyes her body shaking.

“Listen, doc, we ain't gotta talk about this. The fact is that it happened...”

“No we have to talk about this, that son of a bitch deserves to be in jail...deserves...more.”

Gideon leaned back, his eyes as big as saucers. Dr. Hamm slammed the book down on the table and turned her back on Gideon. Her body tensing as she visually fought to control herself.

“You get mad too, huh?”

“Everyone does. It's what makes you alive.”

“It was after the first few times that I started getting angry. He would say things to me while...he did his business. It was only time I ever think he really cared about me. I thought it was okay, but then as soon as he was done...he'd put me in the tub and go back to hatin' me.”

“Oh, Gideon...” The doctor sniffled, feeling around for a tissue from the box on the counter.

“Why'd he do it?”

“I don't know.”

“Why is it okay for him to do that shit to other boys, but so wrong for me?”

“I...I don't have all the answers. But I will...I have to. It's my job.”

Gideon fell quiet again, he felt more confused then he did before. The only thought that kept coming back to him was to talk. The doctor seemed happiest when he talked about things. Maybe she could fill up her book with more happiness, to outweigh the bad.

“Grandma use to take me to the fair. There were so many other grandmas there that thought I was the cutest fox they ever did see. Man when I left my cheeks were hurting.”

“Gideon you don't...”

“Now listen, you're gonna miss some of the good stuff that happened in my life too.”

Dr. Hamm wiped her eyes on the remnants of a tissue and picked up her book again, jotting on the lines one after another. A smiles finding it's way back to her red blotchy face.

“I wanted one of those Tabitha dolls at the store. She was a might pretty in her silver dress. I can't rightly remember, I think she was Rock Star Tabitha. I was afraid to tell grandma, because I didn't want to disappoint her by getting a girl's toy.”

“Gir'ls toy.” Dr. Hamm giggled. “I like to think of them as just toys now. For everyone.”

“Yeah, kids in my neighborhood didn't see it that way.”

There was an easy chuckle in his voice, this had been the best conversation he'd ever had with the doctor. The words came easily to him and boy did he wanna talk.

“So I kept looking at it every time I went to the store and one day it was all sold out. Some lucky girl got that toy. I weren't mad or nothing, just a little sad. But I had my ZI Joes and that was just as fun.”

“That's a beautiful way to look at it, Gideon.”

“Check this out, I came home from school a few days before my birthday, my eleventh I think. There she was sitting up on my bed in her box with a big bow on her. I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a lie. Grandma came in behind me and tussled my hair.”

“Happy birthday, Gid...She told me. I couldn't speak, I could just hug her legs and tell her 'thank you'. She said 'Gid...don't worry about being what others want you to be. Just be you.' I still don't understand how to do that, but I wish I could do it just for her.”

“You should do it for you, Gideon.”

“I know, I owe grandma so much. All I do it get in trouble and break her heart.”

“If she knew what happened, she would understand.”

“That's the thing, she does understand even without know it. Every time I go back there, she just loves me. She never asks questions, why I got black eyes, why I got bloody noses. Every summer she's just happy to see me.”

“That's because she loves you.”

“Maybe your right, I'm too dumb to know what love is.”

“You're not dumb, you just never had enough love to know what it is.”

The door opened and a tall Zebra walked into the room. His white lab coat fluttering behind him like a cape on the breeze. A pair of dark rimmed glasses framed his even darker eyes. Under his arm was a file that carried the name Grey, Gideon on the tab. Dr. Hamm stepped close to Gideon and whispered in his ear.

“We'll continue this tomorrow, I want to set up a special session with you.”

“Oh...same place, same time.”

“Maybe not, I'll send a car around to get you and bring you to me.”

“Alright, you're not gonna leave me here are you?”

“No...I'm just going to step out in the hall and make some phone calls. I'll be right back.”

“Alright, see ya soon.”

“Good. There were too many doctors in here anyway.” The zebra smirked as he and Dr. Hamm exchanged a laugh.

“Sorry about that Gideon, it's just a little doctor humor. My name is Dr. Stevens and I'm to understand that you have an abrasion on your hands. This won't take long I just want to see the extent and we'll get a plan of where to go to from there.”

“Sounds good, doc.”

***

Dr. Stevens escorted Gideon out of the room into the hall. “Change the bandages once a day and make sure to use triple antibiotic on them. Also not fight, rough housing, or punching things. They are healing.”

“I'll be sure not to smash anything.” Gideon chuckled as he started back towards the emergency waiting room.

When he got there, he noticed Dr. Hamm was gone. There was a twinge of worry spiking in his chest. Had she left him there? Was he going to have to call his foster family for a ride? If so they'd be angry about have to come get him. Dr. Hamm could get in severe trouble. Gideon started to pant heavy as his heart rate sped up.

“Gideon Grey.”

Gideon turned freezing in place when he saw a tall gray wolf dressed in a brown sheriff uniform. The star on his chest catching the fluorescent lights overhead. It was mesmerizing to see the gold and silver star complimenting them so powerfully.

“Yeah.”

“Please come with me.”

“Why?” Gideon backed away slowly. “I didn't do anything.”

“We know, if you just come with me everything will be explained to you by your counsel.”

Gideon knew he didn't have a choice, he simply fell in line following the cop out into the parking lot. His cruiser was waiting for him with the red lights flashing on top. The wolf moved with a soldiers steps and pacing, opening the back door as he reached the car.

“You're not gonna cuff me?”

“No, sir.”

When the officer got in the front, he slammed the door hard enough to jostle the car. “Make yourself comfortable back there it's quite a drive to Fox Downs.”

“Fox Downs?”

“All will be explained, sir.”

That was the last thing the cop said as he pulled away from the curb moving down the street towards the back road. Gideon watched out the window as the evening sun sat in the sky painting everything with the colors of dusk. In the far distance, he could see the tall building of Zootopia, the tram line running to the outskirts. Bunny Burrow's not too far beyond that. Gideon guessed it was about an hour to Fox Down, but what did he know. A dumb hick with a head full of mud, and a heart full of hate.

“No.”

The words came out soft, so low the cop hadn't heard him. There was more to him than that. Maybe not a whole lot more, but at seventeen how much more could there be. This was a happy moment, for whatever reason he was going to his grandma's house and nothing could be better in the whole wide world. If only he knew what happened to Dr. Hamm, the end of the day might turn out perfect.

 


	5. Session Five

Gideon's heart hammered in his chest the moment he stepped out of the sheriff's car. He expected the tall mammal to say something, but all he offered was a nod and a small smile that brought a smile to Gideon's lips. The sun was barely in the sky, it sat lazily on the horizon behind the house his grandmother lived. It was such a beautiful sight that if he had a phone, he would have taken a picture to keep always. A coming home picture. The door opened, a large foxy silhouetted filling it. A female fox with broad shoulders and a broader stomach. Her hair was cut short, brown with flecks of gray showing her age, but the childlike look in her eyes confused those on her age.

She barely set her feet on the dirt of her pathway before Gideon broke into a run to her. They met in the middle in a warm hug. Gideon was almost a foot taller than her now, it must have happened in the seven months since he'd last been there. Her arms were strong around her neck, his were strong across her back. It took an unholy amount of inner strength for both of them to keep from breaking down.

“Oh, Gid...I've missed you.”

Gideon's voice cracked at the sound of her sweet voice. “Me too, Grandma.”

“You simmer down with that, my allergies are acting up. You make me cry and I'm liable to suffocate.”

“Sorry, grandma.”

The female fox pressed a hand against his cheek, shaking it affectionately. Someone on the porch cleared their throat drawing both of their attention. Dr. Hamm stood on the top step holding a familiar looking doll in her hand. The already large smile on Gideon's face only grew wider as Dr. Hamm stepped down to meet them both.

“Gideon, welcome home.”

“Dr. Hamm, thank you.”

“Anytime, that's what I'm here for.”

Dr. Hamm held out the doll to Gideon, he took it instinctively petting the luxurious blonde hair on the plastic vixen's head. Gideon's grandmother rested a hand on the doctor's shoulder a wide smile spreading across her face, only then could the gray on her muzzle be seen clearer.

“Will you join us for a little while, doctor.”

“Absolutely.”

The three of them climbed the stairs to the porch, Gideon's pace slowly as he looked around the front of the house that he'd seen more times than he could remember. It always looked the same. The old ranch style house had been built by his grandfather so many years ago. The windows bore the ancient wavy lines of inexperienced glass making. The molding was cracking and showing age despite the new coat of yellow paint he put on it this summer. The sixty-six that hung next to the old mailbox was now nothing more than a six, but it didn't matter. The mailman who was older than time itself would never forget the Greys no matter what.

Gideon touched the wooden frame next to the door a lump forming in his throat again. Even the wood was warm, like arms waiting to hold him.

“Gid?”

“Comin' grandma.”

Inside was warmer than he was used to, but he didn't mind. The swirl smell of cinnamon from the potpourri mixed with the smell of cabbage stew with brisket. His mouth already started watering for the taste of his favorite dish. When he walked into the kitchen, his grandmother was seated at the head of the table as Dr. Hamm ladled soup into the bowls before putting some of the slices of brisket in that she'd already shaved from the roast.

“Thank you, dear. For everything.”

“It's my job to take care of your grandson, Ursula.”

“Well, you went above and beyond.”

“What happened to you, back at the hospital.”

Gideon moved to sit down next to his grandmother just as Dr. Hamm slipped a bowl in front of him on the checkered red and white placemat. Gideon's grandmother took his hand in hers. A smile spreading across her face, their eyes were the same sapphire blue. All Grey's had the same color eyes since the very first on walked the earth.

“I know I promised to be there when you got out of your appointment, but I had to act fast.”

“With what?”

“I...”

“She made it so you could live here on a more permanent basis, just while you're going through your legal troubles.”

Gideon felt a little heat coming to the inside of his ears as he took a sip of the salty broth. It was no surprise that he didn't like his grandma discussing the terrible things he did. The fact that she knew about it at all embarrassed him to no end. Dr. Hamm sat down across from Gideon taking her napkin and unfolding it in her lap.

“Look at you, all fancy.”

“Me, nah. I just don't want to get anything on my skirt. I hate washing laundry.”

“What about my school?”

“Already taken care of, Gideon. Mr. Madison was very helpful.”

“The judge?”

“Yep.”

“There was one amendment to your...settlement.” Dr. Hamm took a nibble of her soy brisket.

“What's that?” Gideon felt a knot forming in his chest.

“You have to complete thirteen sessions with Dr. Hamm before you turn eighteen.”

“And if I don't?”

“Then they'll retry you...”

“What? I could end up in jail...”

Dr. Hamm reached for his hand, grabbing it. To his surprise, she held it firm even though he tried to pull away. When he looked at her a smile crept across her lips. It was a confident smile, but nurturing in a way he'd only seen on one other mammal, his grandma. When she was sure he wasn't going to pull away, she relaxed her grip and rubbed the back of his hand soothingly.

“You're not going to end up in jail. You have to attend eight more sessions with me in the next four months. Even if we do one weekly that's only two months, plenty of time, but...”

Gideon stiffened at the thought that there might be another contingency that might land him in jail even after everything he's been through with this whole anger therapy. Dr. Hamm patted his hand again trying to keep him calm.

“If you get into one more fight, you will go to jail. It's important that you be on your best behavior.”

“Please, Gid.”

With both of the women looking at him his blush only grew brighter to the point that the color of his orange fur did little to hide it. He wiped his mouth with his napkin, but in truth, he was hiding his face. He wasn't sure he could keep from fighting for that long and if he could, it didn't matter. When he got angry he was barely aware of it and what happened afterward was a mystery even to him.

“Listen to me, Gideon. I'm here for you no matter what. I want you to take this.”

Dr. Hamm got up from the table grabbing a backpack that lay on the floor against the wall. It was so new that it still had the tags on it. She unzipped it and pulled out a box sliding it across the table to him. He still watched her before looking down at the gift. It was a cell phone, an older flip model, but still a cellphone. With trembling hands, he picked it up and opened the box. The phone itself was activated and programmed with three numbers in it. Grandma, Janice Hamm, Dr. Hamm.

“Hit star one for your grandma, star two for my home number, and the other is my cell phone. Whenever you feel yourself getting angry, get away and call one of us. We'll stay on the phone until one of us can come and get you.”

Gideon felt the tears welling in his eyes, his hands trembled harder when he closed the phone. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome, sweetie.”

Dr. Hamm slipped back into her seat and started eating again. “A word of warning to the both of you. These next two months won't be easy.”

“I'd expect no less, to be honest.” Grandmother finally chimed in gnashing the brisket in her teeth.

Gideon didn't eat for awhile, he just stared at the cell phone as if it were life itself. His finger playing along the smooth window on the front of it. Dr. Hamm jutted her snout down to his bowl of food, encouraging him to eat before it got cold. Gideon nodded taking a big bite of cabbage.

 

Later that night, Gideon helped his grandma get settled in bed for the night. Instead of leaving he sat at the edge next to her. Dr. Hamm leaned against the wall not wanting to intrude too much on their interaction at least until grandma patted the bed next to her. The first time Dr. Hamm wasn't aware that she was meant to join in.

“Doc, get your keester over here.”

“Oh!” Dr. Hamm moved to sit on the edge of the bed behind Gideon so all three were bathed in the warm glow of the bedside table.

“A long time ago, probably centuries by now,” Grandma laughed, her voice cracking from flem build up. “I was blessed to meet your grandfather, I was a nurse and this scrappy little dock worker was brought in. Crushed his dern foot between the dock and a boat. It wasn't too bad, just a break, but he was put under my care.”

“Grandpa?”

“I hope so because I had two kids with him.”

Dr. Hamm covered her mouth to stifle a laugh, but her hitching shoulders still vibrated the bed. Gideon looked back at her as she cleared her throat, mouthing the words 'sorry'.

“Finished? Well, his name was Gerald McLuphane. Was new to the country, sailed in from some potato far across the sea. Had big dreams to making a name for himself in Zootopia.”

“Did he?”

“Boy, this is a story about the family founder, not a work of fiction. You know how it works out in the end.” Grandma broke down in a chuckle, giving way to a sheepish smile on Gideon's muzzle. “Where was I? Oh yeah, I went to give him a shot so I could reset his foot and I'll be darned if the scrapper didn't bite me.”

Grandma held up her hand showing a half moon scar where her hand was naked of fur. “The doctors urged me to get another nurse to take over. I said no, I'd be damned if I was gonna be mistreated by this little puke. I ripped a strip off those sheets and bandaged my hand up and went back to it. I told him, 'this is gonna hurt more if you don't hold still'. Little did I know that he was so upset about hurting me that he was already docile. I gave him the shot, reset his leg, then me and Polly Wethers put a cast on him.”

Grandma stopped long enough to take a sip of her chamomile tea, before beginning again. “The next day I came in and he was gone, on his pillow was a twenty dollar bill and a note. The handwriting was so bad, I couldn't read it. Well, I could but what was written on it doesn't bear repeating.”

Gideon felt a blush surge through him again. “Was it...”

“Scrappy, yes. That's who your grandfather was. A month passed and I'd almost forgot that little puke until I went out to my car and there he was sitting on the hood. In on hand was a dozen roses the other was an old leather-bound book. I was startled at first, but he didn't move towards me, he just sat there for a long moment. I'll never forget it, even if I go idle in the head, I'll remember.”

“Pure river sun song. Will remember the days gone. Never will I cry. If you will live in my mind. Sleepless Nights forever haunt. When I wake and you're gone. My heart to yours will I give. Forgive me for all I've done.”

“What happened then.” Dr. Hamm leaned against Gideon's back to look around his shoulder.

“Something I should say in front of the boy, but two months later we were married and a year after that, he built me this house. Gave me a son and then another. I never wanted for nothing as long as he was there. That's why I still bear his name even after he's gone. I don't want to give up anything he's given me. Until now.”

Gideon watched at his grandmother reached under the blankets on the bed lifting an ancient book of leather binding. Branded into the cover was initials. 'GM & UG' and one word 'Forever'.

“It's yours now Gid.”

“I can't...”

“You will. Your grandfather was a romantic and a poet, had a voice like an angel and could cook. You're the same as he was. Beautiful voice, you can bake better than me, and I know you gotta poet's heart. You just gotta stop being a scrappy fucker, and be the mammal I know you can be.”

Gideon took the book with trembling hands, hugging it to his chest. This time, he managed not to cry. Dr.Hamm hadn't been so lucky, she sniffled and wiped her snout on the heel of her hand. Gideon reached into his pocket and pulled out a fresh handkerchief.

“It's alright, it's clean. Dad always told me to carry two. One for you and the other for someone having a worse day than you.”

Grandma cackled. “That's Gabriel for you, politest fox you'll ever meet.”

“Will you tell me about dad?”

“Not tonight, Gid. I gotta get up early in the morning. That garden out back ain't gonna weed itself.”

“I'll help you.”

“Me too if I'm allowed.” Dr. Hamm added.

“Doncha got lives to save, doc.”

“No, Gideon's my only patient. I don't think I could take on another one. My emotion energy is already spent.”

Gideon chuckled. “Sorry bout that.”

“Don't worry about it.”

“Where are you staying, doc?”

“I'll be in town. I rented a room at the Dew Drop Inn for two months. I want to be close if Gideon needs me.”

“Good lady, now scoot you two. I need my beauty rest, I shoulda got started on that at two o'clock.”

Gideon slipped the book in the back pocket of his jeans before kissing his grandma's cheek and giving her a big hug. Dr. Hamm waiting for him in the hallway. Together they walked back to the kitchen. Gideon started washing the dishes as he always did when he was at his grandma's house. Dr. Hamm cleared the table, dumping the bowls into the trash and stacking them on the counter.

“You don't have to do that, you've done more than enough.”

“I'm not going out of my way, Gideon. I'm just cleaning up the dishes.”

“Thanks, for everything you did today.”

“You're welcome, I mean it. But these next two months will be difficult. We're going to be doing something that isn't conventional, but I'm hopeful that it will be a quicker road to recovery.”

“Can you talk about it?”

“Not today, I just want to take each session a day at a time.”

Dr. Hamm touching his bicep smoothing the fur there. It was a tender gesture that Gideon didn't know, but one he didn't mind. It comforted him to know that she cared.

“I just want you to be happy, Gideon.”

“Me too, Dr. Hamm.”

“Call me, Janice.”

Gideon looked back over his shoulder at her, she was giving him a motherly smile. “Sure thing, Janice.”


	6. Session Six

The midday sun reflected off the slow flowing river. Trees climbed on either side of it, joining in mass to drink from the life giving liquid. Foxtails gathered at the rivers edge in large clutters with their leaves reaching out to the sun. A cool breeze rippled the surface growing more and more out of control until waves lapped the shore.

Gideon stood waist deep in cool water. Feeling the once soft ripples lapping at his tummy and back. He managed to find some peace of mind, despite the memories this river held. Gideon looked down under the water seeing his naked form just under the surface. Baby steps were not his style and when he saw the old river his first instinct was to run. Break down and cry, at one point he even called Dr. Hamm to help him through, she told him to face it. Try to walk into it and most of all remember that it may be the river where bad things happened, but the water there is forever new.

Day after day after Gideon did his chores he would go out to the river and try to get as close to it as he could. For hours he would sit there, singing along with the music that traveled on the winds. The music that only he heard. Sometimes he'd even sit and read from the book his grandmother gave him. Read the poems and the love letters written by his grandfather.

It took one week before he was able to walk fully in the river. Today was a momentous occasion, he managed to strip down on the shore and step into the cold water. A few times he felt like running, but once he was in the memories didn't hurt so bad.

“I'm proud of you Gideon.”

The sudden voice caused him to shift lower in the water, covering himself away from prying eyes. When he turned around he saw Dr. Hamm standing on the shore. The sun caught her just right casting shadows that accented her curvy figure. The loose fitting lavender shirt was made of such a thing fabric it caught in even the slightest of breeze. A pair of tight fitting shorts that barely when past her hips. A large brimmed sunhat shaded her face, her eyes eager to see Gideon.

“I...ah did what you said, doc, I mean, Janice. You told me to try and I did.”

“I see that, it's remarkable the things you can do when you set your mind to it.”

Dr. Hamm moved to the waters edge, sitting on a stone that jetted out of the water. It was tall but low enough for her to dangle her feet in the chilly water. In her lap were the notebook she always carried and that faithful fountain pen that Gideon was used to seeing.

“Today I'm going to be asking you some questions. They're not going to be easy for you to answer, but I really need you to try.”

“Okay, but I reserve the right not to answer some of them.”

Dr. Hamm shook her head, moistening her lips with a sweep of her tongue. “Not this time, Gideon. We're running out of time, so we have to work hard to get through this.”

Gideon nodded, he knew that there was no way he could avoid these questions forever. Eventually, he was going to have to face the demons of his past while trying to keep from getting angry or lashing out. A grim look found it's way to his face, Dr. Hamm scooted closer to the edge of the rock.

“I'll make you a deal, you can choose not to answer three questions. But you only get three, so chose wisely.”

His ears perked up. “Thank you, Dr... I mean Janice. I'll never get used to that.”

“Take as long as you need to, I'm not going anywhere.”

Dr. Hamm scribbled something on the next page of her book before looking back at Gideon, her eyes wild with a strange enthusiasm. Gideon couldn't help but feel excitement when she looked at him like that.

“Why were you so afraid of this river?”

“Just some bad thing.”

“What type of things, Gideon?”

“This was, the first place where it happened.”

“Oh. Your step dad?”

“He was just my uncle then. My dad promised to take me fishin'. Well, he got called into work and instead of me bein' disappointed he asked my uncle to take me.”

“Why didn't he ask your mother?”

“Mom has a chronic disability that doesn't allow her to do much. All she does is lay around eating and takin blue pills.”

“What kind of pills?”

“I dunno, but one time she couldn't find the bottle of them and thought I took it.”

Gideon lifted up his arm and turned to show a bare patch of fur along his rib cage. Dr. Hamm scribbled something feverishly in the book before looking into Gideon's eyes. His fangs chewed at his bottom lip nervously.

“What happened?”

“When I told her I didn't know, she took a curling iron to me.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah, it really sucked. Mom doesn't really talk to me much when she's on her pills. Even less after my dad died. Now all she talks about is how bad she hurts.”

“Doesn't she say she loves you?”

Gideon thought for a long time, a guilt washing through him the longer he stood their quiet. He couldn't remember the last time she'd said it. All he could remember of her was when he was five and she hurt her back fixing the tractor. After that, they didn't really interact. Of course, after she hurt herself, lots of things changed. Mom didn't clean the house, cook the meals, do the laundry. It was always left up to his father to do. Gideon tried to help, but the more he tried to do. The more he messed up.

“Gideon?”

“I don't want to answer that.”

Dr. Hamm leaned back scratching something on the paper. “Back to your step dad, what happened.”

“Well, I was six at the time and I was so excited. We came here, it was actually over there where that ring of trees are. We fished for awhile, I wasn't very good at it at all. Then Uncle Eddie got the idea to go swimming. He stripped down to buff and jumped in. Man, I about died when he asked me to join him. No one ever asked me to do anything.”

“Then what happened.”

“Do I have to go into detail?”

“No, god, of course not. You don't even have to answer the question. That's why I gave you an out.”

“But I'll have to answer it eventually, right?”

“Yeah.”

“It's all real confusing even today what happen. I try not to think about it or remember it too much. All I know is it felt weird. His fingers hurt a lot, but Uncle Eddie seemed happy about it. He told me he loved me, even said I was pretty. Ain't nobody ever called me that before.”

Dr. Hamm touched her chest, her cheeks growing redder as he eyebrows furrowed. Her knuckles going white the tighter she gripped the pen, forcing herself to write these terrible words down.

“When he was done, he threw me in the water and told me to wash up. On the way home he bought me two ZI Joes, called me a good boy and told me never to tell.”

“Was that the only instance?”

Gideon scratched his arm nonchalantly flecks of fur fell into the water below. The more he thought about it, the harder he scratched. By the time he finished thinking about all the times, he couldn't even bring himself to look at her. He stared out at the leaves dancing happily in the breeze, wanting to be just like them. A leaf on the breeze, with a short life, a happy existence, and in the twilight hours he gets the break free and goes roaming the world until he dies. When he finally spoke, his voice was choked, but there was a strength there that even Dr. Hamm had never heard.

“For a while, yes. Then my dad died and Uncle Eddie swept in to take care of us. He worked the farm, help himself to mama and the inheritance. She was pregnant within a few months and he forced her to stop taking her pills. Which was good, I guess, except I can't remember a night I didn't hear her crying while he....”

Gideon looked down at the water a tear escaping falling down to his chest and disappearing in the ragged fur there. “It didn't take long for him to get tired of her and move on to me.”

“How many times did he...”

“Half a dozen or so. At first, I thought we were playing a game. He told me it was a game reserved for only me and him. I remember him kissing my lips and tellin' me that it was gonna hurt but I had to be brave or else the game would have ta stop. He was right, it hurt. There are things that are so weird that I associate with it. I can't eat suckers anymore-”

“Why?”

“Cause that's what he called his dick...er his penis.”

“It's okay, I think after all of this you deserve the right to swear.”

“Thanks, but I shouldn't. It'll make grandma sad and I don't want to do that.”

“No one wants to make her sad.”

A single drop of blood fell in the water, Gideon had managed to scratch through the fur and the skin on his arm enough to drench the fur of his hand. When he look down and realized it, he quickly dipped it in the water, sucking air in at the feeling of water stinging the wound.

“When was the last time he did anything to you?”

“The day after he beat me in rain...that was the last time.”

“What?”

“He came out to untie me, told me how sorry he was. That I could stay home from school because I was a good boy. Told me he lost his temper, thought I was cheating on him. I didn't know what he was talking about. Then it just happened right there in the mud. I hurt too bad to tell him 'no' and figured sooner he was done he'd leave me alone.”

“Why did he stop?”

“Because I stopped coming home.”

“What?”

“I stayed at the church, mostly. Slept in the confessional. Uncle Eddie thought I just left early for school, mom didn't even get up from the couch to check on me. She was too busy raising my brothers.”

“He has two kids?”

“Yeah, Eddie Jr. and Trevor.”

“Do you know if he's molesting them, too?”

Gideon started again on his wound, scratching it over and over again as he contemplated the question. The answer wasn't hard, it lingered on his lips just wanting to be said. When he was young he thought that his brothers would be safe as long as it was him and not anyone else. But after the last time, Gideon didn't care anymore. He just wanted to be away from that monster. His selfish act doomed those two boys to the same fate he suffered.

“I'd rather not answer that one.”

“Gideon, did you tear your arm up?”

“What? I don't...”

Gideon watched her as if she were an oddity. Dr. Hamm unbuttoned her shirt pulling it down her shoulders until it rested on the rocks. Underneath she wore a yellow bathing suit top with lavender stripes. Dr. Hamm fished something out of her shorts pocket, a small recording device she clipped on one of her bikini straps. Gideon's ears grew hot, falling back against his head both embarrassed by his need to claw at himself and the fact that she caught him. He retreated further into the water and away from her.

Dr. Hamm slipped her shorts down over wide hips to reveal the matching bikini bottoms. In the same fluid motion, she removed her hat and came charging into the water, splashing Gideon's entire front with the wave she kicked up.

“Don't...come any closer, Dr. Hamm.” Gideon stammered holding out his hand.

“Why?”

“I, I, I don't have any trunks on.”

“It's okay. I just need to look at your arm. Hold it out.”

“It's not bad, I do it all the time. It'll fix itself.”

“Gideon.”

“Just stay back.”

Gideon pulled his arm out of the water every drop was deep red as it fell back to the surface. Dr. Hamm grabbed her shirt and pulled it along with her, working to keep it out of the water. Each step she took, Gideon took one the other way. Dr. Hamm locked eyes with the scared fox and he could see she was pleading with him to stop moving. Gideon obeyed feeling her fingers lace with his as she pulled him closer. Gideon was right the wound wasn't that deep, but it still bled badly because it was scratched on top of an even older scar.

Dr. Hamm tugged hard on one of the sleeves of her shirt, the delicate fabric tearing easily at the hem. Gideon wanted to tell her to stop, but it was too late now. The damage was already done. Dr. Hamm threw the rest of the shirt over Gideon's shoulder. It smelled sweet of flowery perfume, the type that could be overpowering in excess. Dr. Hamm wrapped the sleeve around Gideon's arm pulling it as tightly as she could before tying it, hoping it would stop the bleeding.

“You shouldn't of ruin your shirt.”

“You were bleeding-”

“Yeah, but the shirt it was-”

“Screw the shirt. You're more precious than any shirt in this world. I would personally tear up a thousand shirts for you.”

Gideon shifted away from her, his ears dropped to the sides as he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. Dr. Hamm was panting heavily, there was an angry look on her face, but he could tell it wasn't directed at him. It was directed at the phantoms haunting him. It wasn't until then that Gideon could feel the throbbing pain in his arm. The pain wasn't something that hurt him that often, especially physical pain. Since the night in the rain, he just didn't feel it anymore.

“I'm sorry about your shirt, Janice.”

Dr. Hamm grabbed the shirt from his shoulder and threw as far as she could into the river. They both stood there watching as it was washed away. The lavender beacon calling to them until it was pulled under and gone forever.

When it was gone and the calm came back to the world, Dr. Hamm turned to look at Gideon. There were tears in her eyes, her lips pulled into a thin line. She took a step towards him faster than he'd ever seen her move and she grabbed both sides of his head pulling him down so she could press her forehead against his and stare deeply into his eyes. It skewed her glasses so that one eye was behind a lens and the other wasn't.

“Listen to me very closely.”

“Kay.”

“Don't. Hurt. Yourself. Again.”

“Okay.”

“No, you need to promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Gideon, you're not just a paycheck to me. I'm here because I believe you deserve a chance at happiness. I don't want to drug you up, I don't want you to forget these things that happened to you. Because they're pieces to a puzzle that once it's all together, it will be a big beautiful picture that is Gideon Grey.”

The corners of Gideon's mouth drooped, his shoulders hitching with the oncoming tears. Dr. Hamm pulled him into a hug, one hand tucked across his broad back, the other hand petting down his neck in a comforting fashion.

“It's alright.”

Gideon didn't say anything he just pushed his face into her neck sobbing, his fingers clawing lightly at her back as he fought the instinct to be a good boy and not cry. When he tried to pull away, Dr. Hamm grabbed him and pulled him back into her until she was sure he was going to be alright.

“Gideon, you're beautiful. Complex. Smart. You're like a flower that never gets to be near a window. You're always kept in the dark. I want to bring you outside, plant you in the garden.”

“That...that sounds lovely.”

“It does, doesn't it?”

When the tears finally stopped, Gideon could feel her grip relax on him. He scooped up some water to wash his face and the back of his heated neck and ears. As he was bent over, Dr. Hamm cupped some water in her hands and let it flow over the back of his neck and down his shoulders.

“There you go. It's important to cry. It helps clear out the pain.”

“I'm surprised I could stop, doc.”

“Few more question and then we'll be done.”

“Alright.”

“Remember, you have one more skip if you want to use it.”

“Kay.”

“Has any other adult ever touched you?”

“No.”

“Have you ever had consensual sex before? Besides whatever happened between you and Jimmy?”

“Nope.”

“You're seventeen.”

“Mammal's don't like me much. I wouldn't know what to do with a female. I'm too cowardly to ask a boy out. I think it's best to just stay quiet and creepy.”

“Have you ever kissed a female before?”

“My grandma.”

Dr. Hamm giggled and shook her head. “Not that kind of kiss.”

“Oh.” Gideon slicked his hair back with one shaky hand.

“Do you...”

“What?”

“Do you masturbate, or does it make you uncomfortable?”

“I don't want to answer that.”

“Fair enough.”

Dr. Hamm thought for a long moment as if this was an opportunity she's been waiting for for a long time. The mechanics of her mind made Gideon nervous, but he knew the risks. Agreed to the deal and now he was at her mercy.

“Are you gay?”

Gideon thought for a moment, his hand moving up to his arm feeling the fabric of the shirt sleeve tied there. A pang of guilt moved through him. The thought that Dr. Hamm had given up so much just for him was a huge thing and he promised not to hurt himself. His eyes shifted down when he felt a warm hand taking his. Dr. Hamm rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb.

“I don't know, but I have only been attracted to males. There's just something about em. They're strong, stronger than me. They're simple, just like me. They smell both good and bad like I do.”

“Have you ever been attracted to a female?”

“Nope.”

Dr. Hamm rested her hand against his chest. “I'm gonna try something, just trust me okay.”

“I do.”

Gideon felt a rumble moving through him as her hand slide down his chest. Her finger tips working through the fur there in slow circles. It tickled, tingled, making him shake harder the lower she got. Her amber eyes never left his, she was studying him again. Waiting for him to tell her to stop. When her hand slipped below the surface she touched him in a very private spot. It was very slight and she left her hand there for a long beat. Gideon could hear his heart pounding in his ear, felt it in his temples, but he wasn't afraid. The first time someone other than him touched him there and he wasn't afraid. Dr. Hamm pulled her hand away resting it back where it has started.

“What was that suppose to prove?”

“I dunno, but what's important is...you didn't pull away. You weren't scared of me touching you. If anything I know that you really do trust me.”

“I could have told you that without you touchin' my willy.”

Dr. Hamm laughed, loud enough for it to catch the air and echoing through the trees. “Yeah, I guess I was caught up in the moment.”

“Did you have any more questions for me, because I'm getting kinda pruny.”

“No, I think this was a good session. Sorry I...touched you.”

“It's fine.”

Dr. Hamm moved back toward the rock, picking up her clothes and notebook before climbing out of the water. Gideon followed her to the rivers edge. The doctor kept her back to him so he could get out and put his boxer shorts back on. Dr. Hamm turned off the recorder but left it strapped to her so it didn't get damaged in her soaked shorts.

“I have a question for you, Janice.”

The pig slipped her shorts back on, struggling against her wet skin. “A question for me?”

“Yeah.”

“I reserve the right not to answer.”

“Fair enough.”

Gideon pulled his t-shirt on, the fabric. sticking to his wet fur. “Why do you want to help me out so badly?”

Dr. Hamm turned and looked at him, her lips pulling tightly again. “I don't want to answer that.”

Gideon stiffened at her answer, leaving his head full of the question. They stared at each other for a long moment, before Gideon slipped his jeans on.

“I'll see you next week, Gid. Call if you need anything.”

“I sure will, Janice. Thank you so much for everything.”

Gideon watched her walk to her car. When she reached it, she turned around and looked back at him. Then she blew him a kiss and slipped down into her seat before the engine turned over. Gideon stood dumbfounded, waving goodbye as she pulled away.

 


	7. Session Seven

Gideon stood behind the garage splitting wood. With the winter months behind them, he knew it would be best to rebuild the wood pile. In truth, he liked to use it as a way to expel excess frustrations. He replaced the log with a new one before hacking it in half. It was boiling hot day, which was odd for this time of year. There was not a cloud in the sky, no promise of cooling rain, not even a breeze to sooth the poor fox's temperature.

After he followed through with another chop, he left the axe buried in the stump so he could peel his t-shirt off, tucking it into his belt at his back. His fur, soaked with sweat, spiked up all over him. Taking off his shirt didn't help either. Still, he took another log from the pile and split it in the same fluid motion.

The sound of someone clearing their throat caused him to jolt, missing the log and embedding the axe head into the stump underneath. When Gideon turned around he was surprised to see a young weasel standing behind him, roughly the same age. He wore a sports jersey for the borough school he uses to attend. There was something familiar about the weasel that didn't quite resonate with him immediately, at least until the boy spoke.

“Howdy, Gideon.”

Gideon smiled, using his teeth to pull off one of his gloves to shake hand. “Travis, how are you doing?”

“Doing okay. How about you, you lookin' large. I mean not fat, but your arms are all swollen. We could use you on the team back home.”

“I'm doing. Taking it one day at a time. What bring you all the way out here?”

“Dad hurt his knee and now he can't drive so I been making his deliveries for him. So I bumped into this hotty named, Janet or something like that. She said she knew you and wanted me to come talk to you about the thing that happened.”

“Yeah, she's my therapist, Dr. Hamm.”

Travis started chuckling, giving Gideon a soft punch in the shoulder. “Goin' to a shrink. Lost your marbles, after all, huh?”

“Nah, it's nothing like that. She's helping me work out some of my anger issues.”

“Shoot, boy, you were always angry. Way to change such a good thing?”

Gideon's smiled disappeared, his blue eyes tracing the weasel's smiling face. “Cause I ain't happy.”

“Listen, as fun as this is, I got shit to do. What's this about?”

Gideon wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and sighed. “Closure.”

“Closure? What are we, girlfriends getting together to talk about their feelings. Only wussy need to talk it out.”

A visual realization washed over the weasel's face. He took a few steps back, holding his hands up. Gideon already knew what was coming, a calming voice whispered in the back of his head telling him to keep it together. Travis gritted his teeth, his eyebrows arching in his eyebrows in anger.

“You brought me here just to tell me you're a fag. Listen I don't need to hear why you're a freak. I don't need to understand why you'd rather suck ten guys off than be a man.”

Travis planted both of his hands into Gideon's chest, but the larger mammal didn't move. Instead, Travis was forced to take a few steps back. Gideon raised his hand, not wanting to fight with his old friend.

“Travis, It don't-”

“Shut your dick hole. You don't know what that shit did to me. You were my best friend. I let you sleep in bed with me when you stayed over, we took baths together. I don't want to get infected by whatever that is you got.”

“That's not how it works.”

A flash of white filled Gideon's eyes. It sent him staggering back, falling into one of the piles of freshly slip logs. There was a metallic taste in his mouth, blood from where one of his sharp teeth split his lip. It had been a long time since anyone sucker punched him like that. Gideon shook his head so hard his ears flapped against his head.

“Still too dumb to block.”

“I don't want to fight you.”

“Yeah, cause you're probably thinking about-”

“That's enough, Travis.”

Gideon looked over to see his grandma standing on the back porch next to Dr. Hamm. In her hands, she was carrying a tray with a pitcher of lemonades and some glasses. Travis looked up at elderly fox and then back to Gideon, who was wiping the blood from his lip with the back of his hand. Travis spat in Gideon's face and started backing away.

“I'm not going to sing some fag choir song around a fire, so you can have some semblance of happiness. If you ask me, I hope your ass dies of some horrible disease.”

Before Gideon could respond, Travis stalked off leaving him alone to sit in the woodpile. Gideon heard his grandma crying when he looked over she was retreating back into the house with her hands over her eyes. Dr. Hamm following after. At the sight of seeing his grandma crying opened a pit in his stomach. He wanted to hug her and make her feel better, but there was nothing he could do now.

“Travis, such a neanderthal.”

Another familiar voice called from behind. It was soft and sweet like ice cream. Soothing like a glass of ice tea on a hot day. Gideon looked back over his shoulder, silhouetted by the sun was an all too familiar figure. Tall and toned with white spotted fur, crystal blue eyes, and a smile that could melt ice. Gideon sat there looking up at him for a long moment with his mouth hanging open. Quickly, he wiped the spit from his face and climbed off the wood pile.

“Hey there, Gid. Long time no see.”

“Jimmy.”

Gideon felt a flush running through his entire body, his ears burning hot from a blush he couldn't control. The snow leopard was a smooth as a freshly pressed uniform. A purple polo shirt, tight across his chest, baggy, white cargo pants. As much as he changed since they were kids, there was so much that was the same about him.

“I'd shake your hand, but I'm filthy.”

“Don't worry about it, wanna go get cleaned up?”

“Yeah, please don't go anywhere. I want to...” Gideon felt a lump form in his throat, his voice cracked when he finished his thought. “Talk to you.”

“Lead the way.”

Gideon looked at him for a long moment, before Jimmy took his hand and led him back to the porch. When they walked in, Dr. Hamm was standing in the kitchen. She immediately touched Gideon's shoulder, a concerned look coming to her face.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I just want to clean up a little bit. I don't want Jimmy to see me all filthy.”

“Or maybe I do.” There something dirty about his comment that caused a shiver to run up Gideon's back.

“Hi, Jimmy. It's good to see you again.”

“Hello, Dr. Hamm.”

Gideon turned to look at Jimmy with a nervous smile on his face. “If you want, you can wait in here and I'll be back in a few minutes.”

“Well, to be honest, I have this thing I have to get to, so I only have a short while. I can come back.”

“Or you can just go in there with him.” Dr. Hamm added.

“What?” Gideon swallowed hard.

“We did use to shower together all the time when we were on the wrestling team. I mean, sure, we're older, but nothing really changes all that much.”

Gideon felt like his head was swimming as if there some disconnect between what was real and what was a dream. Dr. Hamm motioned towards his room with her head. Gideon reminded himself that this was all about closure, but the look on Jimmy's face made it hard to keep that thought for long.

Gideon walked through his bedroom, painfully aware of how messy it was. How insignificant it must look to Jimmy, the boy who use to live in a mansion. When Gideon reached the bathroom door, she turned to look back at his long lost friend, who was looking around the room.

“I know it's-”

“Charming. I like it.”

His bathroom was cramped at best. Enough room for a sink, a toilet, and a shower. Even the clothes hamper had to be pushed out to make room for anything else. Gideon turned on the shower, aiming the shower head away so it didn't get water on the floor. Jimmy leaned against the door frame locking his crystal gaze on Gideon as the fox pulled his pants off so he was standing in his boxers. When he heard the playful wolf whistle, he glared at the larger mammal surprised to see a pink tint on his handsome face.

“I'm a little fatter than I was.”

“I'm willing to bet it's not all fat. Look at them arms. Glad I got tickets to the gun show before they sold out.”

Gideon snorted a laugh and slipped out of his boxers, keeping his back turned to his old friend. He could feel the icy stare of his friend looking at him. A hot blush filling him up pushing him to climb into the shower, pulling the door closed. Gideon took deep breaths trying to calm his pounding heart. He could hear Jimmy closing the door so they could have some privacy.

Gideon grabbed the pink bar of soap starting to lather up his body, the vanilla scent filling the small shower. He made sure to focus on his more trouble areas, before working on the others. He waited for Jimmy to say something, but it was oddly quiet. When Jimmy did speak, his voice was soft again. As if he were reading poetry, or preparing to sing a romantic song.

“Gid, I'm so sorry about what happened all those years ago. When my dad found out, he went crazy. Sold the house, sold his business and moved us out to the tri-burrows. Told me that I had to get back to the good old fashion family ways.”

Gideon closed his eyes, pushing his head against the wall of the showers, remembering the pain it all caused. He lost someone who was more than just a friend. Jimmy was someone he confided in, someone he shared his secret with and didn't get made fun of, or beat up, or yelled at. The things they did were special, a memory that was both scary and exciting.

The glass door opened and Gideon jerked around to look at him. “Can I come in?”

Gideon nodded before the snow leopard came in wrapping his body around the pudgy fox. Their lips caressing in soft kisses and pecks. Gideon drug his claws down the bigger mammals back. There was no room to speak up, which Gideon thought was a blessing, it forced them to press as tightly together.

The small fox was lost in a familiar haze. A haze brought on by exploring fingers, deep kisses, and curious tongues. Gideon bit his finger to keep from making any noise, knowing that the doctor and his grandmother were just in the other room. For having such sharp teeth, the snow leopard was gentle as he bobbed up and down on the pudgy fox. Gideon caressed the back's of Jimmy's head, wanting to pull him, wanting to thrust, but he was too nervous to do anything, except...

The world disappeared in a flash of cool light. Gideon's ears were full of his own panting, the sound of his heart throbbing, and a cooing laugh from Jimmy, who was swallowing the last drop of the haze that lingered in Gideon's head. The water had long since gone cold, but it did little against the pudgy fox's body heat.

Jimmy finally rose from the floor, turning the water off before he stepped out into the small bathroom. Gideon just leaned against the wall and watched the water course down the big cat's body. Disappearing in the constellation of spots on his back. Jimmy used a towel to dry off, turning to look at the fox with a shy smile. Red peaked his handsome cheeks.

“You look so cute in the afterglow, you know that?”

Gideon couldn't believe he'd just heard that. So dumbstruck he didn't know what to say, he just stood there watching his friend dry off. Gideon wanted to go for him. Touch his back, tell him how much he missed him, but no matter what popped into his head it didn't seem good enough for Jimmy Melner.

“Did I suck your brains out, buddy?”

“No, just amazed that you're back. I've missed you so much. This is more than I-”

“Wait.” Jimmy tossed the towel at Gideon and pulled his underwear on. “I came here to give you closure. To be honest, I couldn't help myself. But there's something you need to know, Gid.”

Gideon's smile slipped away as he covered himself with the towel. “What?”

“This can't happen, well at least not all the time.”

“I don't follow.”

“Oh, wow. You didn't know, did you? Gid, I'm engaged to Suzy Snow, the owner of Deek's Clothing Store.” Jimmy held up his hand, a silver ring caught the light enough to flash Gideon in the eyes.

“Then why...”

Gideon gripped the side of his head, feeling like the room was spinning. Jimmy pulled his pants on, buttoning them. He moved to help stabilize the fox before he fell over. Gideon clutched the leopard's chest, searching his eyes.

“Take deep breaths, Gid.”

“Why did you do this?”

“Because I have needs and I thought you of all mammals would understand that. Suzy's always watching. I can't look at porn. I can't go to clubs. Do you know what it's like to have sex with someone you don't want to?”

“Get out.”

“Okay, so you're mad. I understand that but listen. I'm not lying when I tell you I want you. We could make this work somehow. Once a month we could go on a road trip or something. I'll have money, we can...”

“Get out.” Gideon shoved Jimmy as hard as he could, Jimmy backed into the door.

Tears ran down Gideon's face as he stepped back into the shower closing the door. Gideon fell on his knees and bawled into his hands. He heard the bathroom door open and waited for it to shut, but it didn't. He could still see Jimmy's distorted outline through the shower door. He was standing, waiting for something, or trying to figure out something to say.

“I'm sorry, Gid. But sometimes life isn't fair. My dad took everything from me. I wish you could know what it's like.”

Jimmy was gone with the slamming of the door. Gideon turned the cold water back on, scrubbing himself all over again. When he heard the door open again, he didn't bother looking at who came in. He could smell her even over the scent of the soap.

“How'd it go?”

Gideon didn't say anything, he just rested his head against the glass door. The distorted image of Dr. Hamm drew closer as she sat down on the outside of the shower, leaning against it. Gideon could almost feel her body heat against the cold chill of the water. There was no question, no words of wisdom. Gideon imagined that if Dr. Hamm wanted to know what happened, she would ask. Dr. Hamm already knew that if he didn't want to come out of the shower, he wouldn't. So there was nothing to do but wait.

“Hello, darkness, my old friend...”

Gideon closed his eyes when he heard Dr. Hamm's trembling voice. It was untrained, but it had a good soul and sounded good in the tiny bathroom.

“I've come to talk with you again...”

Gideon's voice joined hers, both trembling as if they were singing in front of an auditorium packed with mammals. But there was a soul to it. Gideon saw Dr. Hamm's hand press to the glass door.

“About a vision softly creeping...”

Gideon pressed his hand to the glass where her's was. He could feel the warmth there, it was comfort in a sea of troubles. Like one single feather in a room of broken glass. Dr. Hamm was always there for him, as she always promised. Gideon needed her to feel whole. A smile forced his way to his lips as her voice cracked. It was sweet.

“Left it's seed while I was sleeping, and a vision was implanted in my brain, still remains, within the sounds of silence.”


	8. Session Eight

Gideon came out of his room, drying his hair on a freshly clean towel. The sweet scent of rose petals from the fabric softener tickled his nose. His mind was full from all the knowledge he could cram into his head. One of the perks of being home schooled was he had more free time to do other things. The bad thing was he lost track of time and usually had to cram it all in on Saturday morning, along with doing all his chores. His body ached from the myriad of tasks he rushed, though. After his session with Dr. Hamm, he had the rest of his day to do whatever he wanted.

“Gideon!”

The sound of his voice halted him in the hallway to the living room. Dr. Hamm walked up with a large smile on her face. Gideon cleared his throat, straightening himself up a bit, wishing now that he'd put some clothes on. All he wore was a pair of cut-off shorts made from pants he'd outgrown last summer.

“I didn't know you were here, I'd put a shirt on or something.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. That's one of the problems with not having more patients, but I'm thinking about putting an add in the paper to see if anyone in the Fox Downs that needs a therapist.”

Gideon walked back into his bedroom with Dr. Hamm following behind him. The room itself was small and not very impressive. A twin sized bed that was barely big enough to fit Gideon. A desk with a few items on it, including a small laptop and his grandpa's book. Dr. Hamm looked around the room a smile tracing her face. Gideon grabbed a shirt from his closet, pulling it on. After he got his head through, he saw the doctor flipping through the old journal.

“Your grandfather was really good at poetry.”

“He was, it makes me feel like there's some hope for me.”

“Listen to this one...it's so beautiful. Midnight, cast your shadow in my room. No matter how much I try, I see doom. I hope that there is a way for me. To repent for the terrible things I'd seen. A soft touch or a sweeter life. Lord, I hope I've not run out of time. Let sleep take me-”

“To my dreams...god I just really want to sleep. Forget what's already came to pass. And please give me some peace at last.” Gideon scratched his cheek nonchalantly. “Gr...granddad didn't write that. I...I did. No one was supposed to read that.”

“Why, it's beautiful.”

“Because it's stupid words, they came out of my stupid head.”

“Gideon-”

“I know what you're going to say, but it ain't true. I'm just-”

Dr. Hamm moved up and grabbed him by the collar of the shirt pulling him down so he could look into her eyes. Her stare as powerful as any jock he'd ever seen. More powerful than even his grandma. The way her lips curled around her gritted teeth made him tremble.

“Gideon...it was beautiful.” Her breath was spicy sweet from her cinnamon gum, it was as fiery as this edge of temper that he'd only seen one other time.

“I...not as pretty as the stuff my grandfather wrote.”

“It won't be.” Finally, her face softened as she let go of the collar letting him stand up. “Your grandfather probably wrote for years and when he wrote it was about his emotion. His experiences, they're not the same as yours.”

“But-”

Dr. Hamm took his hand and lead him to sit down on the bed next to her. She reached into her purse pulling out the notebook that Gideon had seen a half a dozen times or more. She flipped to the back of the book and took out a pen. Starting to write something, when Gideon leaned closer to see, she shot him a playful smile and shifted so he couldn't read what she was writing.

“Wait.”

“Alright.”

Gideon leaned back on his elbows on the bed listening to the sound of her pen scratching the paper. In the small confines of the room, he could smell her sweet perfume. A lemony spring breeze, it stuck in his nose, drawing his eyes to think about all the times they spent together. Where would he be it hadn't been for Dr. Hamm? She'd given up so much just to help him through all of this.

“Sapphire eyes are all I see when I close my eyes...”

When Dr. Hamm started talking, her voice quivered. She whispered as if telling him secrets. It brought a smile to his face.

“I can't seem to think of anything else when we part. I don't have the words to tell you how much you've helped. I know this poem is silly and doesn't even rhyme. But what do you expect from a pig-headed shrink.”

Gideon laughed despite himself, it must have been infectious because Dr. Hamm was laughing too. She gave him a gentle slap on his arm which only made him laugh harder, curling away from any other slaps she could muster.

“Don't laugh, I put my heart on the paper for you.”

“I'm not laughing at the words, I'm laughing at the thought I could ever help you.”

Gideon sat up and looked at her, his face hot from the laughing, sweat beading up at his brow. Dr. Hamm rested her hand on his thigh patting it affectionately.

“There's so much we still don't know about each other. So much I want to uncover, but I know-”

There was a knock at the door, it was meek sounding. Gideon got up from the bed giving her an apologetic smile. She simply smiled back and shooed him from the room. Gideon hurried on to the door, opening it. There was a scrappy looking fox on his front porch, no older than eight years old. He was thin, almost like he'd not eaten in days. Brown eyes darted from Gideon to the door and then back. There was a weak smile on his face.

“Trevor, what are you doing here?”

“Gid.”

The fox broke down into tears, launching his way through the door giving Gideon a hard hug. Gideon wrapped his arms around his little brother comforting him. The scrappy little fox smelled terrible like he hadn't bathed in a week. Gideon pet down the back of his head feeling the missing niche from his ear. A wound that was the result of a brawl behind him and his other brother Eddie Jr. The youth's shoulders hitched as he wept into his brother. This was a sign of emotion he'd never seen from his Uncle's kids. It was unusual.

“Gideon.” Dr. Hamm came walking out of the bedroom.

“One minute.”

She stopped, watching as the two foxes hugged. It took a solid minute before the young fox stepped away, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. Dr. Hamm pulled a tissue out of her purse holding it out him. Trevor took it and wiped the back of his hand.

“You alright?”

“No.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Alright, you don't have too. Do you wanna get cleaned up, while I make you something to eat. Lord, boy, you look like you're starving.” Gideon playfully ruffled his head fur.

“With dad in jail, we ain't got no food. Mom ain't even left her room since she found out about the baby.”

“Hold up, bro. I ain't that quick and you're talking a mile a minute.”

Gideon took his little brother's hand leading him into the kitchen, getting him sat down at the table. The kid looked around the room like he'd never seen it. He hadn't seen it in the past seven years. Uncle Eddie didn't like to visit his mom, which was fine with Gideon. Everything had remained the same, from the green and white lamp that hung over the table, to the green and gold wallpaper plastered on all the walls. Old wood on the floor creaked and moaned whenever anyone moved, but it was still the original polished wood. The only changes were to the appliances. Gideon had helped his grandma install new appliances back when he was fifteen. It was a lot of work, but now his grandma could cook anything she wanted.

Dr. Hamm took a sit next to the boy giving him a look over. Gideon was grateful for the extra eye, catching what he might have missed. There was something wrong with his brother, something even more wrong going on at home. The thought caused and anxiety in his head and shoulders, anything involving his home always had that effect on him. The rage was slowly returning, whatever was happening if it involved his step dad it was no good.

Gideon pulled the bread down out the cabinet along with the peanut butter. “I'm gonna make you a pb&j, just like I use too.”

“With milk?”

“You betcha.”

Gideon got the jam from the door on the refrigerator and the jug of milk from the bottom shelf. Before going back to the counter. Gideon could see Trevor looking at Dr. Hamm as she studied him like she so often times did him.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Dr. Janice Hamm, I'm Gideon's therapist.”

“A shrink? Billy's mama says shrinks is good. Are you good?”

Dr. Hamm considered the question for a moment, her smile faltering for a second. “I try to be.”

“She's just being modest. She's not only a fantastic therapist, but she's the best mammal I've ever met.”

“No. That's not true.” Dr. Hamm drummed her fingers on the table.

Gideon brought a plate over with two sandwiches and a big glass of milk, setting them down. “There you go, Trev.”

“Oh my god, I've not eaten pb&j since you left.” Greedily the fox stuffed half of a sandwich in his mouth smacking his lips as he chewed.

Gideon sat down in the chair across from him. “Alright, so start at the beginning.”

“Two weeks ago, the cops came to take dad away.”

Dr. Hamm squirmed in her seat, her fingers starting to drum on the table. Gideon watched her for a second before looking back at her brother, who was hard swallowing the first bit, sloppily taking a drink of his milk. It dribbled down the front of his green ZFL shirt, soaking into darker green circles.

“Why did they arrest him?”

“I'm not sure and mama won't tell me.”

“What's mom doing now?”

“She sleeps a lot. Like I said, she ain't been out of her bedroom since dad went away.”

Gideon rubbed his chin and sighed. “Crap. What about Eddie?”

“Eddie ain't been home in a month. Mama said he probably took off with Darryl and those other boys from school.”

“So you've been taking care of yourself this whole time.”

“No.”

“Then who's been taking care of you?”

“Miss Fish.”

“Are you in foster care?”

“Yeah, I ran away because I couldn't stand it there.”

“I can't blame you there, I've lived in some crappy foster homes.”

“It's the state of the whole system. There're too many kids with nowhere to go, so they invite any and all to lend a hand.” Dr. Hamm added, watching the youth devour his sandwich.

Trevor took the rest of his sandwich into his mouth chomping on it loudly. Gideon was lost in thought, Miss Fish had watched out for him for a couple months after the incident in the rain. Broken ribs was a cause for concern in the eyes of the law and the gym teacher had noticed. She was a batty old woman with a nearly naked house and nothing to do in it. The chores were redundant, but at least it was a sterile environment with no worry of abuse both physical or sexual. Gideon's eyes lit up as the thought crossed his mind.

“Trev, has dad ever touched you?”

Trevor looked at him still chewing on a cheek full of sandwich. “Like how?”

“Well...” Gideon looked down at the table, his hands were already trembling. “Touch you in your, private areas.”

“Like my...” Trevor put his hand up over his muzzle and whispered across the table in a not so quiet voice. “Penis?”

“Yeah.”

“No, but that's the real reason Eddie left.”

Gideon sat back in his chair, his fist growing so tight that his claws tore into his palms. Eddie was the middle child, born only ten months after his dad died. Gideon got to help take care of him and as they grew they were pretty close. Until Gideon pulled away from the family. Then after that, their relationship had changed entirely. “So what happened?”

“I dunno. After you left dad used to come into the bedroom for a sleepover. But I was never invited, dad made me go down and watch tv for a little bit.”

“And when you went back to bed.” Gideon raised his voice.

Dr. Hamm slid her hand across the table taking Gideon's. “Keep Calm, Gideon.”

“Dad would tell me to go back to bed. They didn't like playing sleep over though cuz it never lasted long and Eddie was always crying when I came to bed. If I ever asked him about it, he'd punch me in the arm.”

Gideon squeezed Dr. Hamm's hand so hard he was afraid he'd break it, but when she squeezed back just as hard he took solace in the fact that she was stronger than him. Trevor kept eating his sandwich oblivious to what was going on.

“When does dad get out of jail?”

“A couple a weeks. Eddie said he'd be back by then. He's gotta big surprise for all of us.”

“Good, because he'll be there when I go back and punch-”

“Well, if it isn't Trevor. How is my little grandson.”

Gideon felt his ears blush as he turned and saw his grandma standing in the doorway. Gideon could tell by her sleep-tussled hair and crookedly buttoned shirt she'd run out and intervene. Trevor jumped out of his chair and wrapped his arms around the woman he barely knew.

“Janice, dear, would you please take Gideon outside. He looked like he needs some fresh air.”

Dr. Hamm didn't say anything, she got up and pulled Gideon to the back door. Once they were outside Gideon pulled away from her. His heart was pounding in his chest, throbbing in his ears.

“This is all my fault.” He panted, tears welling in his eyes.

“It's not-”

“If I would have been there...It could have been me!” Gideon brought both of his fists down on the metal mesh porch table putting divots in the top.

“That's-”

“I wouldn't have felt it...It would have-”

Gideon felt the sting in his cheek, the slap had been hard enough to blur his vision for a second and when it came back Dr. Hamm was moving towards him. Gideon staggered until his back flattened against the wall and then he felt it. Warm wet lips against his a desperate kiss to calm the torrent that had become his life. Her tongue was soft and tasted hot from the gum she chewed. It caressed across him, trying to draw the rage from him, like a poison from a snake bite. Her fingers smoothed along his pained cheek trying to wipe away the slap she'd given him.

When they pulled away, she thrust her forehead against his face, tears falling to soak into his t-shirt. Gideon reached up to touch her sides, holding her as if she were a moving box full of fragile items. The rage was magically gone, he didn't know how she managed to take it away but it frightened him.

Dr. Hamm pulled away, her face looked pale, paler than he'd ever seen her. Tears streaked her cheeks as she'd long since became wise to wearing mascara to sessions with Gideon. There was fear in her face, her eyes trembling behind her crooked glasses. Guilt wracked his heart for making her so sad. For being stupid enough to lose his temper after all the work they'd done together.

“I'm sorry.”

Dr. Hamm touched his lips with her hand. “No, you...listen. I need some time to think and...I'll be back the same time next week.”

“If I need you...”

“Call me, please.”

Without another word, he watched as she walked around the house leaving him alone on the porch. When he closed his eyes, his mind was haunted by the look on her face. What had he done? How could he fix it? The world was eerily quiet, but Gideon had a feeling it was merely the eye of the storm. After a few moment, Gideon went back inside. Welcomed by the laughter of his youngest brother and grandma. That was at least something to smile about.

 


	9. Session Nine

Gideon finished picking up the last of his dirty clothes off the floor. When he peered around the room he was happy to have it cleaned and finally to himself again. It was quite a shock to think that a whole week of sharing a room with Trevor had already passed. Seemed too fast, in a way Gideon was sad to see him go, but at the same time it was nice to have his room back.

The first thing Gideon had done after Dr. Hamm left was to call Miss Fish and explain what happened to Trevor. The old beaver wasn't angry in the slightest, she was just happy that he was okay. Furthermore, she was really receptive to having Trevor stayed at his grandmother's for a week to unwind. Gideon told her he'd make sure he got the little fox's school work in order so he didn't miss anything. The task, that seemed easy, was more difficult than Gideon had thought, but he managed to convince his brother to do his school work.

When the time come for Trevor return to foster care, his grandmother was nice enough to purchase him a handheld system so he had something to play when he was in the foster home. The grandmother also bought one for Eddie Jr. and offered to hold onto it until he came to get it. Trevor agreed to tell Eddie about it whenever he got home. Afterwards the three of them went to ice cream and when they got back Miss Fish was waiting for them.

Grandmother had some words with the older beaver that Gideon couldn't quite hear, instead he opted to hang out with Trevor before he left. Goodbyes weren't Gideon's strong point and this one had been a particular tearjerker. The young fox sniffled and blubbered into each hug he gave, until Gideon had to put him in the back of Miss Fish's car himself. It didn't make him feel any better. If anything it made him cry more.

Even now as Gideon settled down at his desk, his eyes were getting moist thinking about his little brothers. The two scrappy foxes had been on his mind a lot in the last week, enough to waste a little time writing a poem about them. Gideon flipped the page and read the lines quietly. They sounded wonky and he had to shift his accent to make them rhyme. Dr. Hamm was right, not everything you write will be a work of art.

That was when Gideon's thoughts shifted to the good doctor. They'd not spoken since the last session, when she left in a strange state. Gideon had planned to call her, but hadn't really got the time while chasing his brother around the neighborhood. The phone sat next to his laptop, unmoved for over a week. Gideon picked it up and thumbed the screen on. No missed calls or messages, he didn't know what he expected to see but either way there it was.

A shape moved out of the corner of his eye, he'd recognized it as Dr. Hamm even before she rapped her knuckles on the door frame. Gideon met her gaze with a big smile, getting up from his desk. The moment he'd smiled, one graced her lips as well. The doctor wrapped her arms around his neck, forcing her to be on her tip toes. When Gideon opened his mouth to speak, Dr. Hamm kissed him instead. A pleasant greeting kiss that the pudgy fox didn't expect. Clumsy at best, one that filled him with an awkward concern. When the pulled away there was a trace of blood on the pig's bottom lip. Gideon felt it on his too as he wiped it away. Reaching back to get a tissue from his desk.

“Oh,” Dr. Hamm muttered feeling a single drop of blood running down to her chin. “I must have caught my lip on one of your teeth.”

“I'm sorry.” Gideon held out the tissue.

“Don't be, I should had given you some warning that I was going to kiss you.”

“Yeah, but I gotta learn to be more alert. If I ever wind up in a relationship can't be piercing his lip or nothing.”

Dr. Hamm laughed, dabbing the tissue to her lip. “I've missed you, Gideon.”

“Yeah, sorry I didn't call you.”

“No, it's alright. I knew you had your handful. Besides it's not like I was waiting for the phone or something weird like that.”

Gideon chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah.”

Dr. Hamm took his hand in hers, holding it. There was a smile on her face that always seemed to exist as long as she and Gideon were together. Under her gaze Gideon always felt like he was a better version of himself. It always made him feel good inside when he could make her laugh and smile. After everything that she did for him, it was truly the least he could do.

“Uhm, so what are we going to do for our session today?”

“Oh right, well I've planned a little bit of a field trip for us. Have you ever heard of a place called 'Kit-boodles'?”

“No, sounds like a thrift store.”

Dr. Hamm smirked at him, pulling a flier from her purse, handing it to him. “No, it's a nice place for young mammals like you to go. Hang out and make some friends.”

“Sounds pretty terrible, Janice.” Gideon shuffled his feet against the carpet.

“This place is special because it's reserved for gay teens. It's a place where they can go and just escape from the world. No one over eighteen is allowed in except for the mammals who run the joint. They have bouncers all over the place, so you don't have to worry about fights breaking out. You just go there to play video games, eat junk food, get drinks.”

“It's not alcohol, is it?”

“Nope.”

Gideon looked over the brightly colored flier. It showed two teen wolves locked arm in arm, they were standing on a porch under the neon sign hanging above the door. There was mention of games, snacks, tv, and fun!' An action bubble posted in the corner stated 'Must be 17 years or younger.'

'All species welcomed, an area for smaller mammals available.'. Gideon worked hard to find something wrong with the place, but couldn't. The only thing that gave him pause was he knew he'd have to bring money, which he didn't have.

“This sounds good, but I ain't got no money.”

Dr. Hamm pushed something into Gideon's hand. “Well, happy early birthday, Gideon Grey. If I had a cake, I'd have you blow out the eighteen candles.”

Gideon let a breathy laugh slip as he looked at what she gave him. A hundred dollar bill, it was the most money he'd seen at a time. A guilty feeling rumbled in his gut as he held it back to her. Dr. Hamm closed her fingers around his hand.

“It's a gift, sweetie. You deserve to have nice things.”

“I'll pay you back.”

“Gift!” Dr. Hamm giggled, still clutching his hand. “If you really want to pay me back, then just have fun tonight and tell me all about it. I love to hear when you're happy.”

“Will do, thanks, Janice.”

“Like I told you, anytime.” Dr. Hamm went to the door and grabbed a Targoat bag that she stashed there. “You've been ambushed with another gift. I wanted you to have something nice to wear, but didn't want to tip my hand if you definitely weren't going.”

“What did you do?”

Gideon took the bag and rifled through it. There was a really nice purple long sleeve shirt. It was one size bigger, just like he liked it. The color wasn't his favorite, but plum did look good with orange. There was also a nice pair of black jeans folded and pressed, so the legs had a tight crease down the legs.

“Whoa, these are so nice.”

“That's not all, cutie.”

Gideon reached back in a shiver rushed through him as he pulled out a pair of expensive black briefs. They were the type of underpants the tiger models wore in the magazine. Lastly, in the very bottom of the back was a variety pack of condoms, canine cut. They echoed a perverse aura so strong Gideon didn't want to touch them. His blue eyes found the pigs, a red streak on her cheeks.

“What are these for?”

“You never know. Better safe than sorry. I had to get you the variety pack because I didn't really know...well you know.”

“I don't think I can take these.”

“Trust me, Gideon, it's better to take them and not need them. Then need them and not have them.”

It was sound logic, condoms weren't just to keep mammals from getting pregnant, but to keep them from getting diseases as well. “Thank you so much for all of this.”

“Certainly, I don't get to give people birthday gifts that often. It was really nice. Now get dressed so we can head out.”

Gideon nodded laying the clothes on the edge of his bed as gently as if they were made of crystal. Dr. Hamm moved over to sit on the bed, pulling her legs up in a crisscross fashion, watching Gideon with a smile on her face. A heat surged through Gideon, tickling up his entire back. When he pulled his shirt off, dropping it on the bed. The blush on Dr. Hamm's face grew brighter, it made Gideon uncomfortable that she was watching him so closely. The look must have read clearly on his face, as the pig's smile fell.

“Me being in here, isn't uncomfortable is it?” The hint of sadness in his voice swelled the discomfort in his stomach, turning it to guilt.

“No, not at all.”

Gideon forced a smile on his face so she could read the lie. He untied his sport shorts and pushed them off, wishing now that he'd worn underwear under them. It would have given him something else to take off, another instance to keep her from looking at him. In a quick rush he slipped on the fancy black briefs, grunting as he pulled them up. They were a size too small, but Gideon didn't dare take them off now.

“They fit alright?”

Gideon held his arms out to the side trying to look past his pudge “They might be a bit small.”

“I might have grabbed the wrong size. Well, just wear em tonight and give them back. I'll exchange them for you. I think I have the receipt in my purse.”

Gideon nodded pulling the shirt on. The sleeves fit nicely, bunching at his wrists like he liked. The shoulders were only slightly larger than his own, giving it a bit of a sloppy hang around his torso, but it felt great. The fabric was soft and cottony.

“It looks really good on you.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, especially with just the undies. You're gonna land you a few phone numbers tonight for sure.”

“No. I doubt it.”

“Well, I'd give you mine, but you already have it.”

Gideon laughed. “You're full of them tonight, aren't you?”

“What can I say? I get it from you.”

Gideon chuckled, pulling the pants on. They were tight around his crotch, but such was the way with new jeans. His legs were shorter than his stature would allow, so the pants bunched up around his feet. When he stepped back the hard hem folded under his heel.

“Hang on.”

Dr. Hamm got up from the bed kneeling down in front of Gideon, doing a tight double fold with the pants. A retro look that was coming back into style and much easier than breaking out the sewing kit to hem the legs. Dr. Hamm ran her fingers up his legs, buttoning them, and then zipping them up.

“One more...”

Gideon turned around, a ragged fluff of orange fur sticking out from the hole at the hem running down the back of the pants. Dr. Hamm slipped her finger into the hole, working to free his tail, being gentle as she pulled it through. Running her fingers from the base all the way to the tip smoothing the fur down. When she rose up, she took a few steps back and admired him with a smile on her face.

“You look so good, Gideon.”

“You really think?”

“We'll just have to see how much your phone fills up with numbers after this.”

Dr. Hamm grabbed her purse heading for the door. “Don't forget the...”

Gideon watched as she darted down to the box of condoms. There was a nervous look in his eyes, in truth he didn't know what size he wore. The prospect of figuring it out made it hard to take the time to do it. Not to mention it was only natural for every male to want to grab a bigger size. Egos being what they were.

“Just take one of each and figure it out later, if you have to.”

It was a good idea, Gideon pulled one of each size from the box tucking them into his back pocket. Once he had is keys, wallet, and phone. He followed Dr. Hamm out into the hall. There was a heavenly smell of muddleberry pie wafting out of the kitchen. The dark chocolate and blueberry was so alluring that Gideon almost poked his head in. Dr. Hamm running her fingers down his broad back kept him from doing it.

“Going out, grandma. I'll be back later.”

“Okay dear, call if you're going to be too late.”

“I'll get him home before nine.” Dr. Hamm added.

“Oh, well if you're going. I have nothing to worry about. Love you, dear. Drive safe.”

Gideon stepped out the door and down the stairs, Dr. Hamm close behind. Her car was different than the one she usually drove. This one was fancier, a sportier looking car. The top pulled down and the late day sun lighting up the white leather interior. When Gideon got close to it, he ran his fingers along the gunmetal gray exterior.

“You got a new car.”

“Don't I wish. I actually rented this just for the night.”

“Wow. I'd love to own a car like this.”

“Well, birthday surprise number three.” Dr. Hamm dangled the car keys out to him.

“But-”

“It's just for the ride over, I'll drive us back because by then the sun will be down. Also I took out full coverage insurance on the driver of the car. That goes for everyone.”

“I've only driven tractors. I mean Travis and I drove his brother's car once, but it was just through the yard.”

“Then this...” Dr. Hamm climbed over the side of the car into the passenger side. “Should be a great learning experience.”

Gideon climbed in on the driver's side, starting the car. It purred to life, growling when he hit the accelerator. So loud it drown out the voice of the GPS on the doctor's phone. Gideon threw the gear into drive and pushed down on the pedal. The car tore way leaving a cloud of dust behind him. The wide whipping Gideon's face. He hadn't even known he's been smiling so wide, until he saw his reflection in the rearview mirror. Dr. Hamm was looking at him again, her gaze soft and not it's usual studying stare. Something told the pudgy fox that tonight was going to be something special.

***

The place was located downtown, in the Fox Central area. Dr. Hamm stayed in the car as she knew she was going to have to. Gideon gave her one last look over his shoulder before stepping up to talk to the bouncer at the door. The gruff looking bull pointed at the ID on his shirt.

“ID and name.” His voice was as coarse as he looked.

“Gideon Grey.” While the bull scratched the name on the board, Gideon pulled out his ID.

“Seventeen, gotta birthday coming up. Good boy. Please note the rules on the wall when you go in. Have a safe time.”

What a weird thing to say, Gideon thought as he walked into the entry way. His ears were assaulted by a myriad of sounds. Video game noises, music thumping, the sound of pool balls being struck. It felt more like an arcade than anything. With the exception of fur odor, body spray, and perfume. Something else lingered, a smell that caused Gideon to blush. It was musky and dangerous smelling.

Gideon looked up reading the rules. They seemed more general than he imagined. No fighting, no swearing, no bullying, no alcohol, weapons, drugs, blah blah blah. The last item on the list drew his attention. No sexual activities. Apparently someone thought it was stupid rule as there was a mark, made by a pink marker, running through it.

“I like me a boy with academic pursuits.”

A low voice came from behind him, he turned to look at a young cougar boy stood behind him, leaning against the wall. His feminine face was shielded by a striped purple and blue hoody with the hood pulled up over his capped head. His hands were tucked deep in the pocket at the front of him. He wore a pair of ragged looking jeans. Gideon wasn't shy about giving a full look over. If this place was everything the flier said it was, there would be no offense.

“Nah, this is my first time here, I just don't want it to be my last just yet.”

“They only enforce the first three and the one about smoking. Other than that, they just really want the money.”

“Good to know.”

“First time out huh, I'll buy you a drink.”

Gideon followed the young cougar as they wound their ways through the bodies to the bar. A lithe wolf worked behind the counter, cooking burgers, hot dogs. The way she moved was impressive. Gideon watched mesmerized for a second. In the same fluid motion she grabbed three bottles from the ice chest, twisting each of the cap one after another before delivering the goods to three teens at the end of the bar. When she turned, she pulled a basket of fries from the fryer pushing the button on the timer before it had a chance to go off.

“Impressive,” Gideon said, his mouth gaped.

“Cheryl is the best. Wait until Foxx get's here. It's like a badass symphony.”

Cheryl slipped over to stand in front of the cougar and Gideon, setting down two opened colas. “Language!”

As smoothly as she showed up, she slipped away to attend the buzzing timer on the toaster pastry. The cougar sneered at the wolf and rolled his eyes. Gideon chuckled at the interaction before taking a drink of the sugary beverage. The carbonation bubbled into his nose causing him to sneeze.

“So what's your deal?”

“I'm...just looking for a place to hang out.”

“Gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Parents hate you for it?”

Gideon didn't want to go into it, so he simply nodded. The cougar slapped his shoulder sharply and smirked up at him. Quickly he took a long swig from the bottle, bringing it down with a pop. There was an easiness behind his young blue eyes and a reckless nature behind his smile.

“You came to the right place. Just watch yourself, this place is divided into groups. If you're not careful, you might fall in with a wrong crowd.”

“Like you?”

The cougar laughed, slamming the bottle on the counter. “Yeah, now you're getting it. Seriously, though, I'm glad you're here. I need a new face to get used to.”

Gideon smirked taking another sip of his soda. The pair sat in silence finishing their drinks, enjoying the solace that came from a group no matter how small it was. The cougar dropped a five on the counter and finished his drink. When Gideon finished his bottle, it was gone before he even fully set it down. Where the five dollar bill had been were two quarters. Cheryl was back to finishing the last three tickets on her wheel, before scraping her grill.

“Wanna dance?”

Gideon thought about the question for a long moment, but before he could answer the small cougar took his hand, pulling him through the crowd. Mammals parted letting them pass, until they reached a tight dance floor. The lights flashed around in a multitude of colors. The music thumping so loud that Gideon could barely hear his own thoughts. The room was hotter than he imagined. Wall to wall teens dancing not only to the music, but to an unheard rhythm.

“Dance like no one's watching.”

Gideon barely heard the cougar, but could read his lips enough to know what he said. Gideon had never danced in his life, but the thrum of the sound vibrated through him. The cougar ran his fingers in a clawing fashion down Gideon's chest. Gideon did more watching than dancing. The cougar shimmied his hips in an enticing fashion.

The minutes slipping away, Gideon moved with the cougar song after song. If felt as if Gideon were in a different world entirely and all stopped, when the cougar wrapped his arm around Gideon's neck pressing his small body tightly to the pudgy fox's. Grinding against him in a fashion. A pink tongue curling over his dark lips, his breath sweet from the cola he drank.

“Stall two in two minutes...meet me there.”

The cougar pulled away, there was a swagger in his step as no doubt he knew Gideon was watching him walk away and he was. Watching both his tail and his backside twitching in unison. Gideon pulled his phone out looking at the time. They'd been on the dance floor for nearly two hours. Where did the time go? And now he waited for these two minutes and they seemed to be moving so slowly. Gideon decided he couldn't wait any longer and started off, following the sleek tail that disappeared around a corner.

Gideon stepped into the dark hallway, the only light came from the glow of black light posters that lined the wall. When he reached the bathroom, he opened the door slipping in. The men's room was mostly quiet with the exception of some kissing coming from one of the stalls further in the back of the room, but that was none of Gideon's business, he was here for another reason. He approached the second stall and knocked on the door lightly.

The door slid open and a hand gripped his shirt pulling him in. The cougar grinned eagerly, closing the door behind him, locking it. There was a lustful look in his eyes as he pulled his hat off, his hood falling way to reveal the pointed hair tufts on his ears.

“That wasn't two minutes.”

“I couldn't wait.”

“Good, I couldn't either.”

The cougar slid his hands down Gideon's belly fighting to jerk his pants open. There was an eagerness, a hungry in the youth's eyes. Gideon flex and flinched at the tingle running through his body at the feeling of his cock being touched, when he was fully free of his pants. The cougar licked his lips slipping down to sit on the toilet. Gideon clutched his eyes at the first feeling of the mouth around him. Feeling the sharp teeth making a perfect gap for his length, his knot stopping how deep the cougar could take him in without gagging. The cougar took Gideon's hand and placed it on his head. Gideon didn't get it at first, until he felt the cougar pull off of him, swallowing hard.

“You can be rough, you ain't gonna break me.”

“I don't-”

The cougar started sucking on him again, in a feverish pace. Gideon ran his fingers along the cougar's head to the back, thrusting slowly. The young cougar growled around the length, the sound bring Gideon to thrust harder. His coarse tongue grinding the meat almost too much, too painfully. The harder the cougar sucked, the harder Gideon thrust. The louder the cougar growled, the more exciting the experience got. What if they were caught? What would happen? Dr. Hamm would be disappointed. The cougar gripped both of Gideon's butt cheeks giving them a squeeze.

“I'm...”

But it was too late, Gideon released himself into the cougar's mouth. The orgasm had been as sudden as the meeting, a quick as the foreplay. The cougar's moans boiled deep from his throat, slowly his bobbing, but not releasing the suction. He kept working it until he was satisfied. When he was done he pulled from Gideon's dick with a soft suckling pop, almost animatedly. He smiled up at Gideon and got his his feet.

“Do you...want me-”

“No, I took care of myself before you got here. The two minutes was an exaggeration.”

Gideon chuckled at his statement that wasn't necessarily a joke. When he leaned in to kiss the beautiful stranger, the cougar touched Gideon's cheek, keeping him at a distance as the looked at each other. His seducing smile never fading.

“No kissing, that's not what this is.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is a hookup, not a date. No phone numbers, no kisses, I would say no names, but you told me yours already.”

Gideon looked at him, a red flush filling his ears. Of course, that's what this was. Something this good wasn't meant to last. This was one of those things that were to be enjoyed for the experience. But there was still a lingering feeling of disappointment. The cougar frowned and traced a shaking finger along Gideon's lips.

The cougar buttoned Gideon's pants, zipping them up from him. “Aw, don't frown. We had a good time, fox.”

“Just kiss him already, if you don't I will.” An obnoxious voice called from the stall next door.

“Shut up, Pronk.”

“You shut up, Bucky.” They two strangers arguing in the next stall dissolved into a flurry of kissing.

“Oh what the hell, you're too cute not to kiss.” The cougar pressed his lips to Gideon's, giving him a kiss.

The taste of the cougar's tongue was salty, with a bitter taste masking a deeper flavor. It was the first time Gideon ever tasted himself and he honestly could say he wasn't a fan. Gideon ran his fingers up the cougar's lithe body. Massaging along his ribs, the cougar pulled his hand away, but Gideon was too enthralled with the kiss that he let his hands explore again. This time the cougar pulled away from the kiss, slapping his hand away.

“I don't like my chest being touched.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's...nothing. Thanks for a good time, fox. I hope to see you next time.”

The cougar opened the door to the stall door and slipped by, letting his hand caress Gideon's muzzle until he was gone, the stall door signaling that he'd left. Gideon reaches down feeling his girth softening against the saliva soaked fabric of his briefs. A smile traced his lips. It wasn't romance, he thought, but it was romantic. Gideon licked his lips, tasting the mixture of him and the teen's saliva. It's a shame it wouldn't last forever, but he knew he'd have to hurry back to this place again soon.

“Slow down, Bucky.” One of the teens said in the next stall. “It's not a race.”

“If it was, you would have beat me twice over.”

Gideon covered his mouth trying to stifle his laugh as he slipped out of the stall and joined the party. When he made it out into the main room, the party still raged on, but he didn't see the cougar boy anywhere. A little disheartened, he decided that now was a fine time to leave.

Gideon stepped through the door into the street. At the end of the block, Dr. Hamm was talking to the cougar in the striped jacket. The cougar was shaking his head and shrugged as he quickly turned and walked off. Gideon broke into a run, covering the distance as fast as he could, but the cougar had dropped a skateboard down and skated off into the night, gone before Gideon reached the car. Dr. Hamm startled at the thundering of Gideon's approach.

“Are you alright?”

Gideon panted staring after the youth that disappeared into the darkness. “You talked to him?”

“Yeah, I was asking if he'd seen you. Did something happen?”

Gideon's ears flushed red and he straightened up, still panting. Dr. Hamm just smirked, slipping her phone into her pocket applauding the pudgy fox. Gideon shuffled his feet on the concrete and shook his head.

“Liar!” She giggled and punched him lightly in the shoulder. “Well, Gideon the conqueror. Now you can tell me all the sorted details on the way home. Hop in.”

“Okay. Can we get something to eat, I'm starving.”

“You said a mouthful.” Dr. Hamm giggled.

“No, I didn't get to eat. I was too busy feeding the wildlife.” Gideon rubbed the back of his neck, blushing from his own joke.

“Nice.”

Dr. Hamm revved the car up and peeled away into the night, Gideon could tell by her stare that she was going to have some invasive questions. This time, Gideon had an overwhelming urge to kiss and tell.

 


	10. Session Ten

Gideon hefted a few bags from the trunk carrying them up the walkway to his grandma's house. It was grocery day, and that usually meant a dozen trips from the car to the house and back again. It always surprised him how much his grandma ate. When he stepped through the door, his grandma was humming a song in the kitchen. The melody luring him into the kitchen, where she was putting stuff on the shelves.

“Got enough groceries?”

“I hope so, I'm not used to feeding two and a half mammals.” The sound of his grandma laughing, brought a smile to his face.

“Yeah, har har. Fat joke. I'm going to go grab the last few bags, I'll be back.”

Gideon started down the hallway, he heard his phone ringing from the bedroom. Gideon hurried to get it, flipping it open.

“Hey.”

“Gid.”

“Trev, what's going on? Everything alright?”

“No, dad's back. They're trying to get me out of the foster home. I don't wanna go.”

“Where's Eddie?”

“He's in the Bunnyburrows staying with a friend.”

“Alright, can you get to him.”

“I dunno, maybe.”

“Just go there, I'm heading back to the farm.”

“Love you, bro.”

“Love you too, Trev.”

Gideon hung up the phone and started dialing Dr. Hamm's number. It barely rang one time, before she picked up the phone. Her voice sounded a bit hazy as if she'd been sleeping.

“Gideon, are you alright?”

“Yeah, my step dad's out and he's trying to get Trevor from foster care. We can't let him get his hands on him.”

“Calm down, Gideon...” He could hear her shifting out of her bed. “There's really nothing we can do about that.”

“But you were able to help me before.”

“I was able to help you because I was assigned to your case. But...I have an idea.”

“What?”

“You can confront your stepdad if he gets angry enough to hit you. Then we can have him arrested again. I know it's not a permanent solution, but it's the best I can do.”

“Can't I get in trouble for that.”

“No, for two reasons. One I will be with you and say it's part of the healing process to make things better. Two, you're not going to hit him back. That way it'll be an assault, not a fight. I'll be there to vouch for you.”

“I don't want you getting hurt.”

“I'll be okay, I know a thing or two about self-defense. Let me get dressed and give me ten minutes, I'll be right there.”

“Alright, see you soon.”

Gideon flipped the phone closed, his body was shaking all over. He tucked the phone into his pocket and hurried into the kitchen. His grandma was finishing putting away the last bag of groceries, looking back over her shoulder at him.

“You're so pale, what's eatin you?”

“Step dad's going back to the farm today.”

“Oh? At least your brothers are both safe.”

“But their not, Mom and dad are gonna try and get them back.”

“Over my dead body, that man is a monster. If I were a younger woman, I'd take care of him for sure.”

“Nah, this ain't your arena. Dr. Hamm thinks now is a good time to confront him for what he did to me.”

Grandma touched his cheek and shook her head. “No, you can't do that. If you get in trouble, you'll go to jail.”

Gideon explained about Dr. Hamm's plan, the worry not leaving her eyes. Instead she moved closer, petting her grandson's cheek. Tears welling in her eyes. Gideon felt like his heart was going to break, seeing the frail woman crying. All she wanted to do was keep him safe, blaming herself for the way Eddie turned out. It was always apparent whenever she talked about her youngest son. Gideon pulled his grandma into a hug and kissed her cheek.

“Trust me, grandma. I really think I can do this, and who knows, I might be able to right the wrongs I made by leaving Eddie and Trevor to deal with that monster. In the long run, it might make me feel better about what happened.”

“Well, I trust that you know what you're doing, come home safe.”

“I will grandma.”

Gideon gave the little old fox another warm hug. Hearing a soft knocking at the door. Gideon stalked over, opening it. Dr. Hamm stood at the door, wearing a slap dashed outfit of baggy jeans and a t-shirt. The way that he looked at her close, caused her to give him a light slap on the arm.

“We all can't dress as spiffy as you, slick.”

Gideon wanted to laugh by he was way too concerned about his brothers. Dr. Hamm ran her fingers slowly along the pudgy fox's arm. A calming look on her face and a reassuring smile.

“I know you're worried about them, but everything will work out. Come on, let's get this over with.”

“Love you, Grandma, be back soon.”

Gideon didn't wait for her to respond and followed Dr. Hamm out to the car. The warm sun was hanging overhead. It was still mid-morning so a cool breeze wiped through tussling the young fox's hair. By the time he got in the car, Dr. Hamm already had it started and was putting on her seat belt. Gideon followed her example and buckled up.

“Just remember to stay calm during this whole thing. I will be recording the encounter with my phone so if anything does happen, we'll have evidence.”

“Would you think less of me, if I told you I feel like I'm gonna throw up?”

“Not one bit, I feel like it too.”

 ***

The hour long drive to the farm did little to settle the pudgy fox's stomach. In fact it only made it more rocky. When they turned the corner and headed down the dirt path. He could see the house in the distance. It had been the first time he'd been back since the incident that almost landed him in jail. His heart started pounding in his chest, his breath coming out in short burst. A doubt started radiating through him, slowly turning into anger. A warm hand rested on his knee and looked down to see Dr. Hamm's fingers rolling circles in the fur on his bare knee.

“Hey, it's going to be okay, sweetie. I'll be with you, he only get's one punch. I know you can take it.”

“Alright, I won't let you down.”

“No, you won't let yourself down. I'll always be proud of you.”

Dr. Hamm pulled the car over to the side of the road near the gate. Gideon could see the path ahead. In truth it was just a dirt walkway to the house, in his head, it looked like a hallway from a horror movie. Something dark and shifting, with overgrown paths of thorny branches. Suddenly Gideon had to pee, the anxiety making him hurt in places that only reminded him of what happened. When he stepped out onto the path, his mouth went dry. It leads deeper into the woods, deeper where the monsters dwell.

Dr. Hamm stepped up behind him, resting her hand on his shoulder. They share a look and started down the path. The monster sat on his porch talking to another fox. A fat fox that looked like she couldn't move even if she wanted to. The female pushed her hair out of her eyes with one hefty hand to swat away a fly. Gideon almost couldn't recognize her, she'd gained so much weight. In his mind he pictured a curvy fox female that use to chase him around the front yard. Could see her kissing her father when he go finished with his chores. Now she just looked like an amorphous blob that ate the fox that he knew as mom.

The male fox on the porch stopped talking and turned to see the youth coming towards the house. He rose up from the broken yellow lawn chair, taking a long drink from the bottle of beer dangling in his fingers, before throwing the bottle into the yard with a muted shatter. Gideon felt like stopping, felt like turning and running., but knew that there was no way he could live that down.

“What are you doing here?”

His step dad looked right passed him to Dr. Hamm, didn't even flinch. Gideon's step dad jumped down from the porch, walking over to them at a brisk pace. He carried himself in a threatening way. Fist clenched, arms out. Gideon stopped a few feet away but didn't cower in any way. If anything he stood as tall as he could, almost a foot taller than the scrappier looking fox.

“I'm talking to you, bitch. What are you doing here?”

“I'm here with him, we're doing one of his court-ordered session.” Dr. Hamm announced loudly to making sure that she could be heard on the video.

The fox tried to get by Gideon, but the larger fox moved between them forcing the smaller fox to slow his pacing. Gideon struck a violent pose himself. By this point Dr. Hamm had her phone ready, already recording the encounter.

“Well, you and this fag are trespassing on my property. I'll give you to the count of ten to leave.”

“Do you still gather government benefits on Gideon Grey's behalf?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Then he legally resides at this residence.”

“But you don't, so get out.”

“I'm here as his therapist in the hopes to help him through this difficult point in his life.”

“Difficult point? You mean all this crap he brought on himself...never mind I'm done talking to you. I'm calling the cops.”

The scrappy fox turned and started back towards the house, making sure to keep his macho act going. Dr. Hamm ran her fingers down Gideon's back, he could feel the urgency in her touch. Telling him int was now or never.

“You touched me!”

The scrappy fox stopped in his tracks, slowly turning around. Even the blob fox on the porch turned her head to look at her son. Gideon held his ground against their stares, tensing when his stepfather started back.

“What the hell did you say-”

“You touched me, you used to...to have sex with me. Make me suck your dick.”

“Making shit up are you...you ungrateful piece of shit.” The step dad attempted to chest bump, Gideon, but only forced him to fall back a few steps.

“You did it, you know you did. You use to hit me, then you'd fuck me to make yourself feel better about being gay.”

“I'm not gay.”

“Tell yourself that, lie to yourself like I lied to myself.”

“You don't know what you're talking about you, you little fruit. If I'm gay, why am I doin your mama so often we're having babies like crazy.” There was a concerned look in the scrappy fox's eyes.

“The only reason that is is because you're turning eighteen soon, he's gonna lose money.”

“Shut up, bitch. One more word out-”

“We all know the real reason you're having another baby. Eddie's too old for you now, once he hit ten, just doesn't get you going. That's why he ran away.”

“Shut up! He didn't run away.”

“Yeah he did, cause he can't stand you touching on him. That's the reason why you're working so hard to get Trev back...being in jail so long left you wantin' it. Trevor's your type, young and easily-”

The world went white for a second and then black as Gideon fell to one knee. His leg moving up to cover his face in enough time to catch a foot before it hit him in the face. Gideon pushed so hard that the scrappy fox fell, rolling back a few steps. Blood dripped from his bottom lip, pooling on the ground. When he slowly got to his feet it ran down his shirt. For the first time the rage didn't come, there was no anger. It felt strange, like he was weak and vulnerable. The scrappy fox got to his feet, making a move at Gideon.

“Stop.” Dr. Hamm moved only to take a full on shove to her chest, pushing her back on the ground, dropping her phone.

Before Gideon could stop himself, he punched the scrappy fox as hard as he could in the stomach. The punch was so solid that he could hear the air being pushed from his step dad's lungs. The smaller fox fumbled back and fell into the dirt, throwing up. Gideon knelt down next to Dr. Hamm who was fighting to breathe, her hand thrashing around for the phone.

On the other end of the line, an officer was calling to her. “Ma'am, have you been attacked. We're sending a car, get yourself to safety.

“I... called...the cops.” Dr. Hamm grunted touching her chest and fighting to breath.

Gideon nodded and helped her to her feet. Turning to see the blob that was once his mother standing on the lawn between him and his stepfather. Her mouth hanging open over multiple chins. The once beautiful fox lady he knew as mom was gone, now there was this hollow shell that clacked like pills in a bottle when she moved.

“He molested you...”

“Yeah,” Gideon said around his fattening lip.

“I don't believe you. Eddie took care of us when your dad died.”

“He helped himself to dad's insurance money, helped himself to you, and he helped himself to me, to Eddie Jr. Soon he's going to help himself to Trevor, that baby in your belly, and every other kid you have. He's sick in the head.”

“You're a liar, dead to me. Dead to me like your worthless father.”

Gideon's face softened, his eyebrows going as slacked as his mouth. Both of his parents were dead now, all that was left was a hollow home. Gideon shook his head and helped Dr. Hamm back up the pathway to the car. In the distance, they could hear sirens approaching. Gideon sat in the passenger seat next to Dr. Hamm who was finally able to talk to the police. Gideon only heard a few of the things they talked about, his mind somewhere else.

“He attacked his stepson and then attacked me. I got most of it on video. I dropped my phone when he attacked me. Yes, I just need to get some numbers from my phone before you take it. Two more kids, one is at a friends house. The other is in foster care. Evidence of molestation.”

When she hung up the phone, she pulled out her notebook starting to jot down the important numbers. Gideon couldn't help, but notice that the top two were his number and his grandma's. It was cute the way she wrote his name, making sure to dot the I with a heart. Gideon wished he had such nice handwriting.

“This has been quite the day.” Dr. Hamm whispered, finishing some file transfers to her memory card before pulling it out.

“I think that may be an understatement.”

“You did wonderfully, Gideon.”

“Yeah, well then why do I feel so shitty? Sorry, language.”

Dr. Hamm dabbed his bottom lips with a tissue. “Because you're still hurting, talking about it makes it hurt worse.”

“Will it ever stop?”

“No, but it gets better. Then worse, then better again. It'll never go away, Gideon. I'll be here for you as long as you need me to.”

“At this rate, that might be forever.”

“I have no problem with that.” Dr. Hamm smiled warmly at the pudgy fox, running her fingers through his hair.

They sat there in silences, enjoying the sounds of Gideon's step dad being arrested while they waited to be questioned. Only a few question were asked, one of the cops mentioning that Eddie Grey had just been released from lock up on suspected child abuse charges. A familiar wolf sheriff winked at Gideon and smirked as he informed the young fox that his step dad will be gone for a long time.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Gideon slid out of the shower, being quick to towel himself off. He'd been a little late finishing his chores and wanted to shower before Dr. Hamm showed up. It had been almost two weeks since they'd last seen each other, with good reason. The amount of ground they covered last time with confronting his step-dad, had been a huge step in his recovery. They'd talked on the phone a few times, but it has been late into the night and Dr. Hamm had been too tired to talk much, which was odd because she'd been the one to call.

Either way, he was excited about their next session. With only three more left, his obligation to the court system would be over and it would be his choice if he wanted to continue seeing Dr. Hamm. Gideon had thought a lot about his continuing to go the therapy, after all, Dr. Hamm said that no one can heal overnight. Maybe he could work it out where he saw her twice a month, it would give him more time to do his school work, help his grandma, and start playing the guitar his grandma had bought him when he was younger.

Gideon slipped on a pair of fresh boxers, they smelled like rose petals thanks to the fabric softener his grandma used. He dug through his drawers looking for the nice black jean's Dr. Hamm bought him a short while ago for an early birthday present. The shirt and pants were fast becoming his favorite clothing. It had been a shame that Dr. Hamm hadn't gotten around to exchanging the ill-fitting underwear she'd bought him, he rather liked the look and feel of the brief cut. Still, he shouldn't complain. Dr. Hamm had been nothing but good to him.

The crisp feel of the black jeans with the cuffed legs were comfortable and snappy looking. Gideon shifted trying to get a better look at his backside in the full-length mirror. A red flush came to his ears at his own silliness. Still, he'd never felt good about the way he looked before. The longer he stayed away from the farm and the people who hurt him, the better he felt.

As he looked through the closet for the shirt that went with the jeans. The plum long sleeve shirt hung at the forefront of all his rattier looking t-shirts, all Goatwill, second-hand attire, but at least they were already broke in when he bought them. He pulled the shirt down and slipped it on. Gideon pulled the sleeves up so they were tight around his forearms, midway up. It was a cozy look, he stared at himself in the mirror for a moment, before striking a model pose. A light giggle came from the doorway that made him flush fully.

“So handsome, just like your father.”

Gideon's grandma came over and sat at the edge of the bed. Gideon shuffled his feet and rubbed back of his neck quickly, fast enough to heat up the fur at the back of his neck, it helped cool the building burn of his blush.

“Oh grandma, I thought you were napping. I was just getting ready for my next session.”

“You don't have to be embarrassed, sweetie. You deserve to like the way you look.”

“Yeah, but it's weird when someone sees you, makes you a narcoleptic or somethin'.”

“I think you mean narcissistic, Gid.”

“Oh right. I'm struggling a bit with my lessons, what a lack in brains, I make up for in brute strength.”

“You can't keep saying things like that about yourself. You're smarter than you think, I mean you know how to use the internet, so if you don't know something you can look it up. I used it one time to look up 'creampie' and...well let's just say I found it, but not what I was looking for. The good lord got a talking too, that evening at church.”

“What was it?”

“Never you mind, sweetie. Your lady doctor is running late.”

“Yeah, if she ain't here in ten minutes. I'll call her.”

Grandma looked down at the delicate gold watch on her wrist. The single tiny diamond in the face caused the late morning sunlight just right. Gideon stared at the watch for a long time, his tongue wetting his lips as he examined it. He could tell from the look of it that it was a beautiful piece, and old.

“That's a beautiful watch.”

“Oh, your dad bought this for me. It was a gift, after his first big harvest. Good god, he was a marvelous mammal. Built that farm house you lived in, he and your granddad. That's why you and your brothers were all packed into that one room. Gabriel didn't think he could have kids. But your mom, Lucy, such a sweet female proved him wrong.”

“What was my dad like?” Gideon moved to sit next to his grandma.

“Smart, handsome, just like you in almost every way, well except he liked females.”

The same burning feeling returned to Gideon's ears, moving to his cheeks. “Ah...you know?”

“Sweetie, I've always known. I see the toys you liked, I saw the movies you liked. I knew you were gay since you were young.”

“You're fine with it?”

“Doesn't matter, sweetie. What matters is that you're happy.”

Gideon hugged the smaller fox hard enough to make her grunt.

“I told your father and uncle the same thing. I don't care who you are, as long as you're the best you, you can be.”

Grandma leaned back and touched Gideon's cheeks in both of her hands. “Your father took that to heart, worked so hard to be happy. He played football, not just showed up neither, but boy he played. Played guitar and sang too. I think you have a prettier voice.”

“Must be something I ate.” Gideon mused, his dirty joke getting the apt look from his grandma.

“Oh lord.” The grandma laughed and grunted in mock frustration.

“Hey, what's the fun in being gay if you can't make fun of yourself for it.”

“That sounded like the type of joke your dad would make. Your granddad loved 'em. I, on the other hand, didn't...or at least I acted like I didn't.”

Gideon rubbed his fingers along the scar on the front of his forearm. It was his go-to place to scratch himself when he became emotionally frustrated, but now there was a short length of fur growing there. It felt like velvet under his finger pad.

“How did dad die?”

“Farming accident. He and your uncle were out in the south fields trying to get bailer fixed. It threw a belt of something. You dad didn't check to see if the thing was off or something. It started up. Eddie came running back to the house and we called 911, there was nothing they could do for him.”

Grandma's lips slowly turned down, her blue eyes glossing over with tears. Gideon moved in to take her hands, guilt sinking in deeply, hating himself for making his grandma cry. He leaned close and kissed her cheek, the coarse fur tickling his nose.

“I'm sorry.”

“No, I'm sorry, sweetie. He was your dad and you were so young to have lost him. Missed out on so much. I'm so amazed that you turned out so well with your uncle taking care of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“No, I don't wanna talk about that mammal. I would rather talk about your father.”

Gideon smirked, he could hear himself in her response just like when Dr. Hamm asks him a question she doesn't want to answer. When he thought of the doctor he pulled his phone out and realized time had gotten away from him.

“I need to call and see if she's okay.”

“Go one then, boy. We'll talk later.”

Gideon got up from the bed and walked into the hallway, leaving his grandma in his room. He hit the speed dial again the phone only got through one ring before Dr. Hamm picked up the phone. The sound of the showering running in the background.

“Gideon, oh my god. I slept through my alarm. Sorry, I'm late.

“No that's fine, I was just worried.”

“You were worried about me?”

“Well, yeah. You're a very important mammal in my life.”

The phone stay silent for a moment. “Thank you for saying that, I really needed to hear it.”

“I mean it too, my life would be terrible without you.”

“Listen, I've been working hard on our next session and had a breakthrough last night. Instead of having it at your place. Would you like to come over here?”

“I...I don't see why not, I'll have to walk so it'll take me a little bit.”

“That would be wonderful. I have to get cleaned up and freshen up. I might even have some time to clean up my hotel room. Seriously, this place is a pigsty.”

Gideon chuckled. “That's a good one, Janice.”

“I love it when you say my name.”

“I guess it's good that you told me to call you it then,” Gideon smiled sheepishly, Dr. Hamm was being her silly self again. It was nice to see her relaxed after their last session.

“So hurry your butt over and we'll get started on the session.”

“Be right there.”

Gideon hung up the phone and slipped it in his pocket. Grandma was just coming out of his bedroom on her way towards the kitchen. Gideon followed her like a duckling. His grandma was going straight for the coffee pot, pulling out the brew basket.

“Is your shrink coming over? I should start some coffee.”

“Nah, I'm going over there. She said she's been putting together a real ground-breaking session or something like that.”

“Odd, but I guess when you go to college for so long, you know more than a simple baker.”

“Nothing simple about you, grandma.”

“What a sweet thing to say. Well hurry off and when you get back, you can tell me about this ground-breaking session. If you feel comfortable, I mean.”

“Depends on what it's about. There's still some things I'm a little embarrassed about discussing with you.”

“Then I won't pry.”

Gideon gave his grandma a kiss on the cheek and hurried out the front door and down the street. It was going to be at least a twenty-minute walk, but at least there was a breeze to keep him cool. Soon, spring was coming to an end and summer was right around the corner. Hotter days, longer day, the pools would be open, and water restrictions would be in full swing. Gideon didn't care about those things. He never liked to do a lot of things outdoors, until recently. He wondered if this year would be different. With him turning eighteen, he'd have to get a job and a driver's license. Maybe even go to college, which wouldn't be easy with his grades. But that was all in the future, right now he had a different set of obligations to focus on.

“Like, not getting hit by a car.”

Gideon hopped up on the curb as an old truck rolled by. A familiar purple and blue striped hoody sleeve resting out the window, a beautiful tan hand trying to catch the air as it went by. Gideon waved and called out.

“Slow it, dad!”

The red brake lights lit up and the old clunker squealed to a halt. “What, Michelle?”

“Michael!”

“Sorry, I'm...never mind.” A gruff sounding voice called from inside the truck. “What is it?”

“It's a friend, I...I haven't seen him in a while.”

“So?” The truck started to drive off again, as Gideon walked up on the passenger side door.

“Stop, dad. Shit.”

“Language!”

“Sorry, I'm gonna get out and talk to my friend. I'll meet you at the store later.”

“But...”

“Thanks for understanding, love you, dad.” Michael leaned in and kissed the larger cougar next to him. A bashful look swelled on his dad's face for only a second before he glared at Gideon with the same strong eye's Michael possessed.

The cougar kicked the door open, the grinding squeaks warned Gideon to back up in enough time to miss being hit. Quickly, he slammed the door and threw a sharp wave at the driver, who grumbled under his voice before the truck started off again. The cougar turned, smirking at Gideon. The gesture sent his heart fluttering. Gideon stood there dumbstruck for a second before they started walking along the sidewalk.

“Where you off to, Gid?”

“I'm going to see my therapist.”

“Oh cool, I see mine on Mondays. Except this last session, because he was getting surgery done. Thinning fur up top.”

“Oooh, sound bad.”

“I'd imagine. I looked it up online. They take fur from your butt and put it on your head.”

“Talk about being a butthead.”

The cougar snorted, trying to keep a deep laugh, but giggled instead. “You're funny, pudge.”

Gideon stopped and the cougar kept walking before he slowed and turned to look at the chubby fox. “Sorry, I didn't mean any offense. Sometimes shit just falls out of my mouth.”

“No, it's not that. Why are you here?”

“My dad run the Harris' Everything Mart, up the street. I work there when I can.”

“You live here?”

“Yeah, I was born here. Probably going to die here.”

“This is such and amazing coincidence, you realize that?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Well, do you wanna be friends?”

“And do you realize, I sucked your dick. I think that puts us past the point of friendship.”

Gideon's lips drew tight as his whole face flushed in a blush. The fact that the cougar mentioned it with such a normal tone, and on the street in broad daylight was not only brash but in some way impressive, inspiring. Something told him that he didn't have to hold back from this boy. There was something special about him.

“Whose Michelle?”

Now it was the cougar's turn to blush, his own lips drawing so tight that her fang tips stuck out from his upper lip. “God made a mistake when he made me, forgot to give me a dick.”

“Grandma said, god doesn't make mistakes.”

“Well, he made you gay, didn't he?”

“That wasn't a mista...Oh, I get it. Sorry, I'm a little dense.”

“Nah, just a redneck.”

Gideon giggled as they started walking again. “So what do I call you?”

“Michael.”

“That's a good strong name.”

“Yeah. Momma said so too, dad's still having troubles with it but god love him, he's trying.”

“Wow, you have both your parents.”

Michael thought about it for a long beat. “Yeah, I guess I do. They're separated, but really trying to work it out. That's the main reason I'm in counseling. They wanted me to know it wasn't my fault, but I knew that.”

“What happened?”

“Dad got drunk and cheated on my mom. Well not really cheated on her, he kissed a gazelle at a bar, he was drunk. Mom thinks he needs some time alone to figure out where his life is going. The store is a suck financially. Dad hates it, but it was granddad store, he can't let it go. Enough about me, what about your family.”

“Dad's dead, mom disowned me.”

“Wow, is that why you're in therapy?”

“I don't want to answer that.”

“Shit, that's rude. I answered your question, why don't wanna answer mine?”

“Because I like you, I don't want to change that.”

Michael stopped and looked at Gideon. “If you want my honest opinion, hiding things from me is the fastest way to change my mind about you. Fuckers got something to hide ain't worth my time.”

Gideon was already blushing from the cougar's earlier statement, to hear a string of profanity wasn't helping matters, but he knew that boy had a point. Gideon swallowed hard and ran his fingers through his hair.

“My stepdad did things...”

“Touched you, huh? Abuse or other?”

“Other.”

Michael nodded and gave a weak smile. He rested his hand on Gideon's pudgy cheek. “It wasn't your fault. It was his. Dude's a fuck. What can you do about that? A big nothing.”

Gideon blinked at the cougar, his mouth hanging slacked. To hear those words from an adult over and over again meant almost nothing to a younger mind. It was as if they were programmed to push that into your brain, to feed it to you. So Gideon expected them to say it. But to hear it from someone of the same age, seemed to be more meaningful.

“I had a foster brother last year, force himself on me. Nothing happened because I was able to call my dad for help. Scared the shit out of me. I couldn't believe that a monster could live under my roof, where my mom and dad slept, but there he was. Came out of the dark like a nightmare. We were friends, told each other everything. Sometimes you just don't know who you can really trust.”

“Yeah,” Gideon said solemnly and started to turn.

Michael pulled him back wrapping his arms around his broad back giving his lips the faintest of kisses. Just a peck, the type that was made to make Gideon wonder about the little cougar boy. When the separated. Michael gave a sheepish smile, his blue eyes catching the light in such a way that stole Gideon's breath.

“See you around, Gid. Come see me at my dad's store.”

“Wait, can I get your phone number.”

The cougar backed off the curb and started across the street. “Nope, I don't give it up that easily. Well, not my number at least.” He winked and started running across the street to her father's general store.

Gideon watched him go, a pit opening up in his stomach. There was a feeling in his heart that he'd only experienced with one other. Jimmy Melner and that had ended poorly for him. But now he stood in the wake of another adventure. Michael was something else. Wise beyond his years. When Gideon left his house earlier, the thought of having two sessions with two separate counselors never crossed his mind. A smile came to his face when he saw Michael waving through the window of his father's store, before going back to work.

Suddenly a ding came through on his phone. A text messaged, obviously from Dr. Hamm. Michael's distraction had taken up a good chunk of time. When he looked at it, it just said. 'OK Rdy 4 U.' At least Dr. Hamm was able to get her room in order before Gideon got there.

 


	12. Session Twelve

Gideon walked in the front door of the upscale bed and breakfast. He'd only been there once and it was to deliver some of his grandma's baked goods to the good doctor. Dr. Hamm had been surprised, elated to see him but hadn't let him into her room. He remembered her room number well enough, though. At the top of the carpeted stairs, Gideon rounded the banister and stopped in front of the room marked with a '2'. Gideon knocked on the door and waited patiently.

When the door opened, Dr. Hamm smiled up at him. Her cheeks were flushed as if she'd seen something embarrassing. Quickly she took his hand pulling him inside the bedroom, closing and locking the rest of the world out.

Gideon was startled by the abrupt pull, but upon seeing the room a smile came to his face. It was a quaint little room. A nice queen sized bed with plush looking comforters. A beautiful handcrafted dresser and a flat screen on top of it. Gideon had never seen on out of the electronics store before. The blinds were drawn, but the touch lamps on the matching end tables were lit dimly. It made the room seem calm. There was a soft scent of perfume in the air, mixing with shampoo and body wash from the bathroom.

Dr. Hamm circled around him her hands behind her back as if she were a drill sergeant admiring her soldiers. It made Gideon a little uncomfortable, but he was sure Dr. Hamm had her reasons. Gideon flinched a little at the sound of soft music starting from the small alarm clock on the end table when he looked at Dr. Hamm she was holding out a remote of sorts, tinier than he'd ever seen. Gideon cocked his head to the side, confused. She was wearing just a bathrobe and what appeared to be nothing else. Gideon assumed that she wanted to be comfortable in her room, making him wish he'd brought a pair of shorts or something more comfortable. The room was a bit humid from the shower she took earlier.

“Dr. Hamm...I mean Janice, I'm really glad you're doing alright. I didn't know what to do with myself last week when we didn't have our session.”

“I felt the same way, Gid.”

Gideon arched his eyebrow at the mention of his pet name. Dr. Hamm never called him that, at least not to his recollection. When he turned to look at her, she smiled back at him. There was a glow about her that he'd not seen before. Something different, but she looked radiant as if she won the lottery or something. Seeing her so happy, made him happy. If anyone deserved to feel good, it was her. Especially, after all she did for him.

“Gideon...” The doctor began, her words catching in her throat. “Do you trust me?”

“Yeah, of course, I do.”

“I need to ask you a question and I need you to be honest.”

“Alright.”

“Do you ever think of me?”

“What, of course, I do. You're such a big part of my life.”

Tears welled in her eyes, the sight making Gideon feel guilty for some reason. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome, I owe you a lot. I don't think there is anything I wouldn't do for you, Janice.”

“It makes me...so happy to hear you say that.”

Gideon's eyes went wide as Dr. Hamm untied her robe, pulling it open and off of her shoulders. Catching it before it could fall all the way down. As Gideon expected, the doctor wore nothing under the robe. Her large breasts hung nicely albeit a little lower than the ones he'd seen on the internet. Larger nipples too. Her curvy form reminded him of the ancient Roman paintings, beautiful in their natural shapes. A constellation of freckles spattered her entire body, small brown specks swimming among the pink flesh. A small tuft of manicured pubic hair did little to hide what lay below.

Dr. Hamm swiveled her torso in a manner as if she encouraged him to look. And look he did, she bore scars on her upper thighs, they'd been long healed, but he knew why they were there. His hand reaching up to touch the scar on his own arm, the one he gave himself. Her pink skin was flushed all over, there were two bruises on her chest that were turning green as they healed. A knot formed in Gideon's throat as he remembered his stepdad shoving her down. Hard enough to bruise her, he mused

They stared at each other in silence. Gideon was like a statue, in truth, he was too afraid to move. Dr. Hamm moves slightly trying to entice the youth to study her. When Gideon tried to speak, she touched his lips with her hand. It was soft and smelled of vanilla lotion. A pleasant scent that tickled his nose.

“Tell me I'm beautiful.”

“You are. Like one of them works of art in a museum.”

Her cheeks flushed brighter. A soft sigh escaping her lips, it sounded more like a coo. Her fingers caressed along the band of his shirt pulling it up slowly. Gideon trembled at her touch now, his mind telling him to trust her, but her touch frightened him. The more she caressed the fur at his sides, the more she smiled. Which in turn made him feel better about what was happening. Gideon knew she was only trying to make him feel good, that was her job.

Dr. Hamm pushed his shirt up, Gideon responding by lifting his arms. It caught on his chin and he shifted around, helping her to remove it. He chuckled, it made Dr. Hamm giggling. The doctor ran her fingers up through the fur on his belly, massaging up around his ribs and beyond. The soft petting was new to him and if felt good. When he smiled a shy little grin, it made Dr. Hamm gasp.

“Feel good?”

“Really good.”

The doctor licked her lips, kissing along his collar bone. Soft, little pecks that brought the tremble back to his body. Gideon reached up to touch her, she took his hands holding them down by his sides. Her fingers lacing with his. Her lips exploring his chest fur, just a peck here and a peck there. When her lips touched one of his nipples, he sucked in air and flinched away.

“Did I hurt you?”

“N-No. They're just sensitive.”

“Good, I'll be gentle. I promise.”

“I-.”

“Want this as bad as I do, I know.”

Maybe he did, it was hard to tell from the humidity in the room and the heat from his blush. Dr. Hamm took his hands and pressed them to her breasts. Her eyes finding his as he looked at the pink flesh in contrast to the dark fur of his hands. Dr. Hamm bit her lips, smiling up at him. Gideon wanted to let go of them but seeing the doctor smile kept him from it. She deserves to be happy, he thought and slowly he gave them a squeeze. Dr. Hamm let out a moan slip through her lips, the type he'd heard Jimmy make. It was evident that she was enjoying it.

“You're good at this.”

“You think so? It's my first time.”

“Quite the savant. I wonder in what other ways you're a natural?”

Gideon pondered the question, he wasn't a complete idiot, he knew what she meant. The trembling continued, but his resolve was strong, if only for her. Dr. Hamm took both of Gideon's hands leaving them at her breasts as brought him to the edge of the bed where she sat down. When Gideon tried to pull his hands away, she squeezed his wrists pulling him to kneel in front of her. It didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable. Now, he was kneeling on the floor, she was taller than him. She could look down at him. It made Gideon feel small, feel younger than he was.

Dr. Hamm ran her fingers through his hair, using her nails to scratch and pet. It felt so good that Gideon close his eyes. It had been such a long time since anyone's touched him like this. He raised his muzzle, his lips drawing back into a smile.

“Feel's good, huh?”

“Oh yeah.” His voice was almost a moan, he could feel her knees bumping him as she squirmed.

Dr. Hamm pressed her lips to his. His smile slipping away as she kissed him, it wasn't as soft as the previous one. This one was more rough, with a deeper intention. Her tongue tracing along the center crease of his, the fresh mint taste washing over him. His head was spinning now, going from the feeling of enjoyment to a feeling that was familiar, but in an ancient and almost forgotten way. Gideon gripped the bed on either side of her keeping himself from falling forward onto her.

Dr. Hamm pulled away from the kiss, pushing her forehead against his. Her fingers caressing down the back of his head to his neck. She panted her minty breath against the top of his muzzle. His eyes were still closed, ashamed to look at her.

“I've been thinking about you so much, lately. If there were ever two people that deserved each other, it was us.”

Gideon didn't speak, his heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he felt like it was going to burst through his chest. His whole body quivered so hard, it threatened to pitch him on the floor. She rested her fingers over his heart feeling how hard it was pounding.

“Mine too.” She took his hand and pressed it between her breasts.

Gideon could feel her heart was pounding as hard as his. Sweat prickled her body. A wet spot formed on the comforter between her legs. Her breathing was coming in short, hot pants. It filled Gideon with concern for her. His fingers caressed up to her throat, she flinched and moaned at his touch.

“You're the only other mammal I've ever trusted enough to get this close to me.”

“W...why?” Gideon whispered.

“Because my father made sure I'd never trust another male again.”

Gideon pulled his hand away, looking up at her, his eyes wide. “Your dad...”

“When I was nine, my boobs started coming it. At first, it was just passing comments. Jokes. 'Jannie got some guns'. I used to laugh and shrug them off. I remember I got the flu and dad forced me to take this cough syrup. He said the sleep would do me good. More like do him good.”

Gideon tried to get to his feet, but Dr. Hamm pushed him back down onto his knees. “Stay where you are.” The force behind her voice caused Gideon's ears to fall back.

“One night, I woke up with my dad standing at the foot of the bed. The pajamas I wore to bed weren't the ones I woke up in. My stomach felt like it was on fire. I felt sick inside and he told me, I must be sick. When I told my mom, she just figured I got my first period.”

Dr. Hamm traced her fingers along Gideon's ears, pinching and rolling the tip between her thumb and forefingers. Gideon did his best to stifle the moan but failed. He watched as Dr. Hamm shivered at his sounds. She pushed her face against his, rubbing her snout along his muzzle.

“Over the years, my dad was less sneaky about it. Most of the time he'd call for a family bath and that's how he'd do it. Easy to clean up, he'd joke.”

Tears welled in Gideon's eyes, his fingers petting the scars on her thighs. Each time he'd pet them, she would squirm and pant. Her fingers kneading the fur at his cheeks. Her amber eyes opened, looking directly into his.

“The jokes stopped on my thirteenth birthday when he suffered a massive heart attack. Right in the middle of one of his 'family baths'.”

“It happened, during?”

“Yeah, I didn't have the heart to call for an ambulance. I got out of the shower, dried off, put my clothes off, and went outside to play. When mom got home from picking up my cake, she found him dead in the bathtub.”

“Oh my god.” Gideon pulled away, falling back on his backside on the floor.

“It was so hard to hear my mother ask me why I wasn't crying for him. Emotionally numb, people thought. Maybe it was such a shock to the system. But you know what it was, I was afraid that if I started crying. I might have actually miss him, or worse, cry because I had to live with what he did to me. And since my mother was so upset about him being gone, I couldn't tell her the truth. I worked hard to go to school, so I could help anyone else who dealt with what I went through.”

Gideon got to his feet, picking up his shirt as he went. His knees were jelly, his heart still pounding. Everything in his body urged him to run. Dr. Hamm got to her feet, grabbing the shirt from him, tossing it to the floor. Gideon stumbled back against the wall, hitting his head hard enough to blur his vision for a second.

“Don't run, please.”

“Okay,” Gideon spoke, his throat so dry that he didn't make an audible sound.

“When I met you, I thought this is my chance to help someone. Someone who was just like me. I put all my faith in helping you.”

“Why?”

“Because if I helped you, then maybe there would be some hope for me after all.”

Dr. Hamm touched a hand over his heart, feeling him tremble, feeling how hard his heart was pounding. A coy smile came to her lips, her other hand fumbling with the button on his pants. She caressed under the band, gripping his sheath, a look of disappointment on her face. She looked down to find he was flaccid. Then she looked up into eyes as if she'd awoken from a coma. Tears rolled down her face.

“Oh god, what am I doing? Oh, Gideon, I'm so sorry.”

Dr. Hamm stumbled back, picking his shirt up from the floor, thrusting it into his chest. Gideon's stomach twisted, guilt filling him as he reached out to her. He tried to embrace her and she thrashed away. Tears rolling down her face as she slipped into a light hysteria.

“You gotta go, get out of here. What have I done?”

“It's okay, please calm down.” Gideon's voice was strained with tears, he didn't know what he did wrong, but wanted to make it better.

“Go, save yourself from me.”

“Not until I fix what I did.”

“You...you didn't do this. I'm just broken...there's no hope for me.”

Gideon wrapped his arms around her belly, pulling her back into him, holding her tight. Dr. Hamm thrashed as hard as she could, but couldn't break free of his strong grip. When she'd given up, they sunk to the floor together. Gideon still held her, his face pressed to her shoulder blade as he sobbed. Dr. Hamm's tears had already stopped and when his grip loosened, she pulled away, fighting to put her robe back on.

“No one's broken...lost, maybe, but never broken,” Gideon whispered against her shoulder, his breath causing goose bumps on her skin.

When Gideon was sure she was calm, he got up and put his shirt on. Dr. Hamm didn't move, she didn't look up at him. Instead, she sat quietly on the floor. Gideon didn't know what to say. If there were any moment in his life that he was lost, it was now. The one he'd grown to depend on was a lost as he was. Roaming together lost in the woods of emotion, no path to follow. Both wounded beyond healing, but Gideon had hope for himself. He carried a flame of hope for Janice Hamm as well.

“Can we start again?”

Gideon looked down at her, his lips drawn tight. “Nah, but I think we can pick up the pieces and go on with our lives.”

“Will you go with me?”

“I can't. Our past may be the same, but out futures aren't going to the same place.”

“I'm in love with you.” Dr. Hamm looked up at him, her eyes bloodshot, her lips turned down into a frown.

“Are you? Do you even know what it's like? Because I don't. Everyone I've ever loved has hurt me.”

“Including me?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you forgive me?”

“The good lord says I should, so I will.”

“What am I going to do...without you?” Dr. Hamm started crying again, twisting the knot in Gideon's stomach, making him want to throw up.

“Just...be the best you, you can be.”

Gideon turned towards the door, unlocking it. Dr. Hamm got to her feet wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her robe. The sniffling brought him to look at her and she forced a smile, though her bottom lip trembled. “I have one more session to for you, Gid.”

“Next week, then?”

“Alright. Seeya.”

Gideon stepped out into the hallway. The air was clear and cool on his face. The smell from the open front door downstairs in the hall was the sweetest he'd ever sniffed. The sun was shining and he'd never felt so clear-headed. Gideon went down the stairs and outside into the street, vowing that he'd not tell his grandma about this session.

 


	13. Session Thirteen

Gideon sat nervously on his front porch, he'd been checking his phone every minute since his session time began. Dr. Hamm was nowhere to be seen and when he tried to call her the phone it just went to voicemail. They were thirty minutes into the session and she still wasn't there.

Gideon startled and dropped his phone as a black car stopped in front of his house. The polished exterior glistened in the midday sun, catching his eye just right so he had to look away. A large bear climbed out of the drivers seat and started towards the house. Gideon felt his heart climb into his throat. Maybe in the midst what happened at last week's session, Dr. Hamm complained about Gideon's behavior. A guilt lodged itself in his heart and resided there since last week. The overall ordeal had scared him, but still, he believed he could have handled it better. If he'd given in to her, then she wouldn't have closed herself off from. Or at least showed up to finish his mandatory sessions.

The bear walking down the path wasn't wearing a uniform and didn't look like an officer, Gideon had a new concern that he was from the court system coming to tell him that he had no choice, but to start over in his therapy sessions because Dr. Hamm resigned. The hulking beast stopped a few feet away and reached up, pulling his sunglasses. Gideon got up from the steps and tried to keep himself calm. Whatever happened now, it was on him and he was going to respond calmly.

“Mr. Grey, Gideon?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I'm from the courts, Judge Almayz sent me to check up on you.”

“Oh?” Gideon knew he should say something substantial, but couldn't think of anything to say.

The bear reached into his finely tailored suit jacket. Gideon flinched having seen so many movies about a large mammal in a suit pulling a gun. Instead, the bear pulled out a letter and unfolding it. For a moment he glanced at the paper, before reaching into his breast pocket to receive a pair of black rimmed glasses.

“Sorry, my eyes aren't what they use to be.” A friendly chuckle slipped from the bears deep voice.

Gideon smiled at this, just hearing the bear make a joke eased the tension slightly. Finally, the bear cleared his throat and started to read the paper.

“Yaddy-yadda, Grey, Gideon. Arrested on...beating up another minor child. Appointed to Dr. Janice Hamm.” The bear poked at the paper with one claw.” “Here we are, it says here that you completed your court appointed sessions with Dr. Hamm in just five weeks, that's impressive. Her words were, Gideon is an exceptional mammal who is put into a great deal of stress from sexual abuse by Edward Grey; Stepdad. In my opinion, Gideon would make a full recovery if removed from hostile environments and place in the car of his Grandmother Ursula McLuphane. And the rest of it goes on to state some more legal stuff. So the big question is, are you doing better? Normally we'd ask Dr. Hamm, but she resigned a few days after filling out this deposition.”

“Wait, that...” Gideon's math skills were a little below par, but he still was smart enough to know that he'd been seeing Dr. Hamm for longer than five weeks.

“I can assume you're doing better, the only other altercation on file was when you were attacked by your stepdad, so would it be fair to say you're fine.” The bear seemed a bit impatient, which worried Gideon.

“Oh, yeah. Doing great, my grades are up and I don't get that mad anymore.”

“Splendid, Dr. Hamm is a miracle worker. Too bad she's not around. Sign here so I can be on my way.”

Gideon took the bear's pen and scrawled his sloppy signature on the paper. The bear cleared his throat and pointed at the date line. Reminding him that it was twenty-sixth. Gideon filled it out, printing his name under his horrible looking signature. The bear peeled a pink copy from the back of the document and handed it to Gideon.

“That's your copy, keep it in a safe place. You have a good day, Mr. Grey.”

Even hearing the name caused him to shutter. “Just Gideon, sir.”

“Have a good day, Just Gideon.”

Gideon snorted and waved at the bear as he turned and walked back to his car. Once he drove out of sight. He looked down at the paper, giving it another read. Five weeks, he'd been seeing Mr. Hamm for over two months, why would she lie about it. Gideon folded the paper and poked his head in the front door.

“Grandma, I'm going for a walk.”

“Okay dear, stay out of the road and tell your friend, Michael I said hello.”

Gideon smirked and started down the path. It was fair to assume he was going to visit Michael. They'd seen each other almost every day since his last session. Gideon made jogging to his father's store part of his daily workout routine. Michael always bribed him with a soda, which his dad didn't mind giving away. Michael's dad was a quiet mammal, who looked as though he was carrying the world on his shoulders, but never stopped smiling when Michael was around and always encouraged him.

Thoughts of Michael eased Gideon's mind, the thought that the cougar would be close to where Dr. Hamm's room was, made him feel more comfortable. If things went badly after he confronted Dr. Hamm, he could always go to his dad's shop and hang out, they never minded.

Gideon paced himself on the walk over, his mind working on what to say to her when they met. He could almost imagine her inviting him in. Would he go in? Would it be rude not to? Gideon shook the thought out of his head. He had to focus on the just the important questions. If Dr. Hamm trusted him, then she would be honest, if not it didn't matter Gideon was done with his session. Which in a way made him sad, Dr. Hamm was a friend and for things to end the way they did-

“Yoohoo!”

Gideon was pulled out of his thoughts by a familiar and playful tone. The cougar boy was on the opposite side of the road waving at him. He darted between the parked cars only to be started by the squealing of car brakes. His tail puffed out from fear.

“Hey, are you crazy? I'm fucking walking here.”

“Get out of the road, kid.”

“I think the law says pedestrians have the right of way.”

The guy behind the wheel honked his horn, before speeding away once the cougar was safely at the other side of the road. Michael mumbled under his breath something about crazy drivers as he tried to smooth the fur on his tail.

“That was dangerous, you need to be more careful.”

“Aw, so gay. Sounds like you'd miss me if something happened.”

“Are you kiddin'? I'd die. It would be a game over for me if something happened to you.”

“Oh man, your noxious gay fumes are choking me out. I'm fading.”

Michael's sarcastic wit always brought a laugh out of Gideon. “Oh Gideon, my giddy giggler.”

Michael embraced the slightly larger fox in his arms and gave him a soft peck on the lips. Gideon wrapped his arms around him luring the kiss into something deeper. Michael was only too happy to oblige. Gideon felt something press tighter against his stomach. When he pulled away he looked down. A rather large square thing, the size of a paperback novel stuck out from the cougar's hoody pocket.

“Oh shit, I almost forgot. This crazy pig lady, the one who was responsible for us meeting, came into the store wanted me to give this to you.”

“Dr. Hamm?”

“Janice Hamm, that was her name. Dude, she paid me five hundred bucks just to meet you. Jokes on her, though, I got something better out of the deal.”

Gideon was hurt by this realization, but when he looked into Michael's deep blue eyes. He could see that the cougar was oblivious to why he'd be upset.

“I guess she figured we wouldn't end up being friends. Yeah, but things worked out, Gid. Now listen, I have to tell you something.”

Gideon didn't like the tone his voice took. The cougar's smile slipped away and his face became serious. His small hand moved up to rest on Gideon's chest.

“And listen to the whole thing before you flip out because you just might flip out.”

“Alright.”

“This pig lady, Dr. Hamm. Well, there was some stipulations to our get together that I didn't like, but money's money. When I met you, I really liked you. I liked the way you made me feel when we danced together. So giving you head in the bathroom felt more intimate than even I thought possible. Which is why I kissed you, afterwards. There was something special about you.”

“Wait, she paid you too...?”

“Yeah, and it gets weirder too. I fully understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again after I tell you this. But know that I haven't stopped thinking about you since that night. I-”

“What is it?”

The cougar grimaced and fiddled with the folds in Gideon's shirt. “She had me record it on my phone and give it to her. She said something about it being part of the healing process. That's how I found out she was your shrink.”

“I don't believe this!”

“It's true, I'm not proud of it. I needed the money, so my dad could pay the food delivery guy.”

“You gave the money to your dad?”

“Yeah, what would I do with five hundred bucks. He buys me whatever I want. Besides, I got the better end of the deal. I got you and you know that's no fucking lie. If there's one thing you know about me. I'm not a liar.”

Gideon thought on this for a second, looking down at the box in his hand and then back up to the cougar who waited with baited breath for him to say something. Gideon was hurt but knew that Michael was telling the truth. He'd have no reason to lie about any of it. They'd seen each other every day for a week and spent so much time talking. Michael told Gideon things that were very personal. Michael even cried in his arms when he talked about his parents being separated. Gideon just kissed his eyes and held him.

“I love you, Gideon Gay.” A smile crept across the cougar's dark lips.

Gideon blinked a few times, unable to keep from smirking at the boy's smile. “I love you too.”

The cougar sighed heavily, tears welling up in his eyes as he gripped Gideon's collar, clinging to him. Gideon wrapped his arms around the newly frail cougar.

“Aw, you're such a fag.” Gideon giggled in his ear.

“Oh shut up, stop talking to me. You're the fag.” The cougar acting all indignant slapping at Gideon's hands.

“Thank you for being honest, Michael.”

“Dude, you're totally worth it.”

They hugged each other for a long time before Gideon walked Michael back to his father's store. They'd talked for a short while about what was in the box, but Gideon insisted that it's something he had to investigate alone. Michael wasn't happy about the fox's response, but Gideon assured him, it would be the last thing he'd have to face alone. That was a good enough response for Michael. When they kissed goodbye and parted ways, Gideon held the cougar's hand for as long as he could before backing away. Michael left his hand extended, reaching for Gideon the entire time he walked away. Gideon had his first taste of what it was to be in love.

Gideon got home, storing the box in in his top dresser drawer until he could look at it after his grandma went to bed for the night. It's contents lingered on his mind. Both a mixture of excitement to find out what was inside and a feeling of never wanting to know. It caused a nausea inside of him, but his mind reasoned that whatever was inside the box. It would be better to wait until tonight to open it.

***

Gideon kissed his grandma on the cheek, whispering goodnight to her. She'd already fallen asleep reading her book. Gently Gideon slipped her glasses from her muzzle and folded, setting them on the nightstand. Picking her book up setting it aside. After another long look at his grandma he smiled, turned off her light, and went into the hallway. The moment he closed his grandmother's door, his heart started pounding in his chest. The moment had finally arrived.

When he pulled the box from his dresser drawer he stared at it for a long time. There was nothing in it that could really hurt him, at least not physically, but... Gideon sat down at his desk and opened the box. Inside he found the pair of underwear he wore to the club, not a new pair, but the pair. He could tell by the dried white stains in the black fabric. There was churn in his stomach that caused it to growl. It smelled heavily of him with a hint of her hand lotion. Gideon shivered and dropped them into the trash can. He didn't know what purpose they were used for, but he knew that dwelling on it would paint an ugly picture.

In the bottom of the box was a notebook, not just any notebook, but _The_ notebook. Gideon flipped through the pages slowly. At first, it looked nothing more like a journal kept by someone. Except the content was his facts spatter on the page in a beautiful calligraphy. Dr. Hamm always had beautiful handwriting. The further he traveled through the book the more sparse the notes because. Instead, there were beautiful pen sketches, whole pages of them. One of Gideon wearing a flower crown where the vines spelled the word 'love'. At one point, she'd drawn two shadowy figures cuddling. The one of him in the water was so detailed that he flipped past it as quickly as he could. There was poetry that resulted in running ink along the page. Tears, he assumed. His name appeared more and more, in conjunction with words like 'love' and 'lover'. Dr. Janice Grey appeared a few times. A symbol of a tormented childlike mind.

When Gideon reached the end of the book, there was a small memory cards tape to the back flap. Slowly he tore the card away, opening his laptop before he inserted it into the SD card slot. A small loading screen appeared, there was a long list of videos that loaded. Each one of them labeled by a date. All within the past month or so. When he clicked on one, it was a shakily taken camera of him doing chores. Some of him working out. On in particular was him at the grocery store with his grandma. Nothing happened in any of them, it was just him doing things. It filled his body with a creeping feeling, made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Dr. Hamm was kind enough to include the video she'd taken at his step dad's farm. There was the one that Michael took in the bathroom. As he reached the bottom of the list, more and more involved him and Michael. Some of them just hanging out in front of the store, other were of them hugging and kissing.

Gideon stopped at the bottom of the list, the final video in the list read 'video_session_13' and the date was the day before. Gideon clicked on it and it opened. Dr. Hamm sat at the edge of the bed in her room. She was dressed in a beautiful maroon suit. Her face was painted with beautiful, rich makeup, and her hair was done up right. When Gideon saw her he couldn't help but feel like he was back in her house, sitting on her couch ready to start the session.

“Hello, Gideon.”

“This is your final session.”

“I can't apologize enough for what I've put you through. Nor can I explain away what is contained in this box. What I can say is, I'm an abuser.”

“Instead of facing what happened to me, I tried to project it into my determination of fixing others, who were hurt by the ones they loved. I should have focused on helping me to feel better. I should have encouraged myself to reach out and get the help that I needed.”

“Graduated at the top of my class in both high school and college. It made me cocky, made me feel invincible. I was going to go out and heal the world.”

“My first client, my first mission was to help you. Except when I looked into your soul, I saw me. After that, all logic flew away.”

“I'd been offered so many clients since I opted to help you, but I turned them all down. My mind told me that you needed me most of all. I pushed myself to invade deeper into you. You occupied me every moment, every thought.”

Tears welled in the pigs eyes, but she sat stone faces looking deep into the camera as if she were looking at him. “I pulled you from the nightmare of your family, not because I wanted to help you, but because I wanted a chance to be with you. If there were ever a male that could love me, it would be you.”

“But I couldn't remain your doctor, so I resigned and I used my power to clear you of your charges. You were cleared after only five weeks, but I lied so I could be close to you. I promised thirteen sessions, I figured by then you'd be mine.”

“Even though your gay, we could found a way to make it work. That's why I sought out that 'boy' that you met at the club. She...he was exactly what I needed, he didn't disappoint and neither did you. It was my chance.”

Dr. Hamm gritted her teeth, scratching at her bottom lip with her thumb as if she were trying to compose herself. “I never expected you two to ever find each other. I never expected him to open up the way he did. I guess that was my failing for finding someone so close to where you live.”

“I like to think that if he'd not entered the picture, that thing last week would have gone better. But I know that's not true, I know what I did was wrong. I tried to use your trust and my position to take what I wanted.”

“I had so many dreams, so many fantasies of our life together. You understood me for all the good and the bad that happened, you'd forgive me for what I've done. You would hold me and kiss away the pain. I loved you, I still love you. But I'm a horrible wretch, that doesn't deserve to know you.”  
“You are an exceptional male, whose been dealt a terrible hand, and you didn't deserve what I did. I could have helped, but I was too interested in helping myself. I love you, Gideon Grey. I wish only the best for you. Goodbye, love.”

The video ended with her reaching towards the screen and turning it off. Gideon's hands were sweaty, his stomach churning like a cement mixer. He closed out of the window and flopped back into his chair. His heart pounding in his chest, there was a fear surging through him, or maybe it was guilt. His head was spinning too hard to decipher. He got up from his desk his knees trembled and he slipped down to rest on his bed.

The phone on the desk started vibrating, a call, but it was late. Later than anyone usually called him. He picked it up, he was relieved to see that it was Michael. Quickly he flipped it open and put it to his ear.

“Hey, Gid.”

Hearing his voice brought a lump to Gideon's throat, tears were not far behind. When he sobbed the cougar's name, there was a change in Michael's demeanor.

“What's wrong?”

“I...just don't want to be alone.” Gideon forced out through his tears.

“Alright, not to sound creepy, but I'm right outside your window.”

Gideon climbed to his feet, fighting to open the latch. Once he got it, he hugged the cougar through the window, pulling him into his room. They lay on the floor holding each other. Gideon sobbing softly into the beautiful purple and blue striped hoody he'd come to love. Michael ran his fingers between the pudgy foxes ears and down his neck, the petting motion mixed with the young cougar's humming, calmed him.

When the first emotional wave had passed, Michael helped Gideon up onto the bed and then called his dad, just to tell him that he wasn't going to be home. It was a surprisingly short call that ended with Michael getting his way. Michael took off his hoody and climbed into bed next to Gideon. Gideon remained quiet, much to tired to process anything anymore. The only thing he wanted to do was rest his head against the cougar's chest and listen to the soft thumping of his heart. Michael turned some music on his phone and continued to play with Gideon's hair.

“I'm not going to ask you what happened, but you tell me if you want to.”

“I just...need you to be here right now.”

“Gotcha covered,” Michael smiled, leaning to kiss Gideon's forehead.

“I love you, Michael.”

“Love you too, babe. Get some sleep, nothing's going to happen to you while I'm on watch.”

It didn't take Gideon long to fall asleep in Michael's lap. There was something safe about the boy, something that managed to keep the nightmares away. It wasn't a permanent solution, but at least for one night he could get some sleep and someone could protect him from the monsters that haunted him.

 


	14. Session Fourteen

The banquet hall was decked out. Ebony decorations with gold accents surrounded the room. Right down to the black table clothes and golden silverware. White plates, with a gold ring around the outer lips. Everyone was dressed in their fanciest outfits. A lush cherry wood podium stood at the front of the room. Polished to catch the warm lighting above. A figure stepped out from around the tables up to the podium. A husky fox with thick shoulders. His sandy blonde hair spiked but tidy. He wore a black chef jacket, that had been pressed. The name Foxglove embroidered on his chest. His teal eyes scanning the crowd behind his wire-framed glasses.

“Good evening, today we are here to issue the award of Best Bakery, for the tri-burrow counties for the second year. It is a huge honor for me to introduce, Gideon Grey.”

The room was a light with the spattering of applause, some of his coworkers even woofed loudly in support. Twenty-five year old Gideon rose from his seat, walking around the table. He met the other fox in an embrace as they passed. When Gideon reached the podium he looked around the room. There were so many familiar people, he almost couldn't believe it.

“Thank you all.” Gideon began, once the crowd died down. “I thought the first time I won this thing was a big honor, but I think the second time is even better. It lets me know that I've not been resting on my laurels in the aftermath of greatness, but have excelled at keeping the same consistency in my product and name.”

The crowd broke into applause again. A few people even stood up out of their seats. Gideon felt his throat close up a bit, seeing so man people that appreciated him for what he'd become. So many people that had a hand in it. Those were the ones he had to thank, because he may have done a lot, but he'd not done everything himself.

“But I didn't get here by myself.” Gideon swallowed hard, trying to fight the lump back down. “Foxx, Chef Foxglove, my dear friend one the one who gave me a shot. Cheryl, who kept me from ever thinking I was going to be better than her, she's still right about that. Brought me into his family and showed me the ins and outs of the restaurant world. Through his blood, sweat, and tears comes my blood, sweat, and tears.”

The husky fox and lithe wolf stood up and waved around the room. Foxx pointed to Gideon and touched his chest, before sitting back down. Gideon returned the gesture, licking his dry lips as he tried to keep his thoughts in order.

“I can't forget Bonnie and Stu Hopps, for their delicious produce that has only made my work better. Without them, my pies would not be the delicious dish they are today.”

Neither of the rabbits stood up, they waved around the room and went back to eating their salads. The applause drowned out everything else in his mind, confusing him for a moment until he tapped the podium. Don't forget anything, he told himself. Can't forget.

“I'd like to thank my grandma, who taught me how to bake and to be the best me I can be. I know that she's watching me from heaven and is so proud of what I've done with her recipes.”

This time, everyone was out of their seats, Gideon could feel the sweat beading up on his forehead, feeling a little faint from the amount of praise he was getting. Gideon leaned on the podium stabilizing his trembling knees. Don't forget anyone, please. His brain screamed at him.

“There's, okay, hang on y'all, I'm struggling to keep my wits about me.”

The crowd died down, slipping back into their seats. Gideon took a deep breath, his face feeling hot as if he were blushing.

“There are so many mammals to thank, but I just can't keep my head on straight. There were so many responsibilities for making me what I am today. If I forgot you, just know that I love you and thank you so much.”

Gideon stepped away from the podium, waving at everyone as he hurried into the bathroom. Once in there, he turned on the faucet and splashed water on his face. Two handfuls, then a third for good measure. When he looked up at his reflection he stared face to face with a familiar figure from his past. The tall cougar smiled back, his blue eyes had only grown deeper. A handsome man clad in a freshly pressed dress uniform, complete with hat. Gideon wheeled around taking the gentlemammal's hand.

“Hey, fag.”

“Hey, girly.”

Michael started chuckling. “Funny, I'm not even gonna waste my time, I got a battalion of men that'll kick your ass for me.”

Gideon launched himself into the soldier's arms, holding him tightly. Gideon remembered everything from the time they dated. A whole year of beautiful moments documented in his brain. The male that taught him the meaning of being in love, but at the same time taught him the true meaning of love and loss. Michael's dad closed the store, with this new opportunity his dad moved away taking Michael with him. One of the hardest moment of Gideon's life was letting him go. They'd kept in touch for a long time, until the moment Michael joined the military. After that, the letters came fewer and further between. Gideon pulled away, letting his fingers caress along Michael's biceps.

“Oh my, I see your treatments are going well.”

“Very well, thank you very much. How about you, pudge, find anyone to rock your worlds.”

“Nah, I don't really have time to date. I'm pretty much always working.”

Michael reached up and traced his fingers along his lapel. “You gotta take some time off for yourself, you deserve it.”

“What about you?”

“I'm engaged to a lovely nurse at the VA hospital in Zootopia's downtown district. He's a very special someone.”

“Oh my god, you're getting married.” Gideon hugged him again, this time, tighter than before. “You have to let me make your cake for you.”

“What? Nah, we'd pay you. Besides, we're both poor so it won't be anything fancy.”

“Whenever it is, just let me know and we'll start the planning.”

“Absolutely.”

A smile lingered on Michael's face, a handsome smile that Gideon always hoped was just for him. Even though there was a sadness when he looked at Michael. There was also something more there now. Gideon saw a male who'd faced down a lot in his life and grew to be a better man than any the fox ever knew. Michael's smiled faded as a light mist filled his deep blue eyes.

“I miss you. Your jokes, the way you made me laugh.”

“I miss you too, Mike. But you know, if ever I want to relive the stuff we did, I just close my eyes and think about it. It's not the same as livin' it, but it's still as special as it was.”

“I guess you're right.” Michael placed a soft kiss on the fox's lips, a tiny peck. “You know you've grown to be quite the smarty.”

“I learned it from you.”

“Aw shucks.”

_Gideon watched as Michael left the bathroom, what the future held for the cougar was a long hard road. Michael would lose his leg in combat and have learned how to use a prosthetic, but his husband would work endlessly to help him through the rough times. Eventually, Michael would write a book about his time in the military, in the credits, there would be a short shout out to a G.G. That stated 'Summer love may have gone, but the feeling always remains.'. Gideon would cry every time he read it._

Gideon left the bathroom, the sounds of the celebration were in full swing. Corks were popped, grasshopper steaks were served, and mammals in droves talked about Gideon. Familiar faces came and went, some too busy to talk to Gideon, other waiting in the wing for the right moment. One snow leopard wasn't so shy when it came to confronting Gideon.

“Gid, who would have guessed with your background that you'd learned how to master the pie,” Jimmy smiled big, giving Gideon a hard slap in the stomach.

“Jim!” A female snow leopard glared at him as she hugged a tired toddler to her body.

“Sorry honey, it's just a little joke. Gideon, meet my wife, Suzy Snow, you remember her. And these two rascals are my kids, Jimmy Three.” The larger of the two kids was shoving a brownie in his mouth. “And this little guy and Jeffery.”

“Jimmy talks a lot about you.” Suzy didn't seem impressed.

“What a lovely family you have,” Gideon smiled and bowed cordially.

“Hey hon, will you get me a glass of wine. I want to catch up with my old buddy, Gideon.”

Suzy scoffed and headed off to find a waiter carrying a tray of drinks. Jimmy Three. spitting his brownie on the floor, before following after his mother. Jimmy put his arm around Gideon pulling him tight. The snow leopard, leaning up to give Gideon a kiss on the cheek before whispering in his ear.

“God, I can't stand that female. She's one of the worst people in the world.”

Gideon gave Jimmy a shove with his elbow, pushing him away. “She's your wife, she had your kids. Don't disrespect her.”

Jimmy adjusted his expensive tuxedo and glared back at Gideon. “Listen, it was a marriage of convenience. If I had a choice I never would have let it happen.”

“You had a choice, Jimmy. You just decided to be a coward about it.”

Gideon turned his back and started off across the room, a throbbing anger pulsed in the back of his head. He knew there was a chance something like this would happen tonight, so he prepared as best he could. When he heard a glass break behind him, he turned to see Jimmy pointing down to spilled wine on the carpet. Even with Jimmy's voice low, Gideon could still hear what he was saying.

“Why would you get me red wine, you know I hate it.”

“They didn't have any white. They said they were bringing another tray, but I didn't think you wanted to wait for your drink.”

“Useless, you're...never mind.”

Gideon walked over to the glass, bending down to pick up the larger chunks, cupping them in his hand. It was evident that Suzy Snow wanted to bend down to help, but the weight of the toddler was already too much. Soon a server came by with a broom and a towel, taking the pieces of glass away from Gideon, before departing.

“You didn't have to do it, but thanks.”

“No problem,” Gideon smiled at her, before poking the toddlers small pink nose making him smile.

“I don't know why he's so mean to me. I try to be a good wife and mother, but nothing I do is good enough.”

Gideon looked at her for a long time. Her beautiful face bore the lines of someone who was tired. Someone who was bored with being talked down too and mistreated, but felt hopeless to escape. Whatever life lay before Suzy and Jimmy was there's to live be it good or bad. The fox knew it wasn't his place to get involved, but he did anyway.

“Jimmy's got secrets, ones that he'll never tell ya. If I were you, I'd check his phone when he's not expecting you to.”

Before Suzy could respond, Gideon walked away to mingle with another guest. He wasn't proud of what he did, but deep inside he knew it came from a good place.

_What Suzy found on her husband phone was appalling by anyone's standards. A thank you phone call, Suzy, made to Gideon a year later would reveal that Jimmy had taken over three hundred lewd photos with other males he'd met during his business trips for the company. Misusing company money to wine and dine these lovers was a huge blow to the Deek's Clothing Line's bottom line. Suzy divorced Jimmy and took everything in the settlement. When Jimmy called Gideon looking for a sympathetic ear, he let it go to voice mail._

Gideon made his round through the room, cutting up and having a good time with friends alike. He'd not been surprised about the absence of Travis. The weasel was too busy trying to save his farm. _Which he'd been successful at, with the help of his wife who had a dowry big enough to get the renovations done. Now he spent his day working it with his wife and kids. Gideon and Travis only shared a few sentences on one occasion and they were as awkward and mean-spirited as always. Gideon didn't mind, though. Travis is as he was made and there's nothing wrong with that._

Gideon was surprised to see his brothers were absent, he'd not seen them much since grandma had passed, but Trevor would call him from time to time with updates. _They would both grow to have their own problems, but would work through it. Gideon's stepdad's death had come as a shock to no one. One night, while he was heavily drunk, he fell through a boarded up well, dying a severe head wound. Eddie Jr. had been the one to call and tell Gideon about it. The last time Gideon would see Eddie Jr. would be at their mother's funeral. They would share some kind words and Eddie would say, 'he's off to find himself'. Trevor, however, would sell the farm and all of it' assets for a tidy sum and learn how to fly, in the hopes that one day he'd find Eddie again...he does._

The hours wore on into the early morning. The crowded thinned out as Gideon said goodbye to everyone he knew. When he settled into his seat to enjoy his cranberry juice, he spotted a familiar figure standing at the banquet table picking at the scraps that were left. The figure wore a sapphire blue dress, perfect curves like from an old painting. It was something familiar and yet something forgotten. A spike of excitement filled his heart but gave way to a lingering shred of fear.

Gideon took down the last of the sour drink and got up from the table. When he approached his steps felt slow like molasses. His body not wanting to cooperate, but his mind too curious to let it go. When he stopped behind the figure, he could smell the familiar perfume that caused his heart to thump against his chest. When she turned a familiar smile greeted him. As too did a tiny fox baby pressed to her chest sleeping.

“Gideon Grey.”

“Janice Hamm.”

“Actually, it's Whitney.”

“Whitney Hamm, then.”

Dr. Hamm giggled and shook her head, causing the baby at her bosom to squirm. “Still, think you're funny I see.”

“Sometimes, how are you, Janice?”

“I'm good, got my hands full with a new book I'm writing and of course raising the baby.”

“Takes after his father I see?”

“No, god. You're full of them tonight. He's adopted, but still mine.”

“Is your husband with you?”

“Wife, actually and no, she's in class right now. I tried dating but had no luck. Then I bumped into Teresa at the gym and...well things happened.”

“What about you?”

“Nah, too busy. Plus I just don't know what I'm lookin' for. I think I'll find it when I least expect it, ya know?”

“Don't rush, haste makes fools of us all.”

There was an easy smile on the pig's face, there were stories to be told in the new lines on her face. Stories that didn't always have happy endings. But it wasn't a question he wanted to ask. Instead, he looked at the baby, letting loose a wide mouth yawn. The small squeak it made brought a smile to Gideon's lips.

“Such a handsome baby.”

“He is isn't he. His name's Gideon. I heard once that it was the name of a great mammal, who will do great things.”

Gideon's eyes went wide as he straightened up, a smile big enough to show all of his teeth spread up his muzzle. “Sounds like lies to me.”

“Maybe, but I didn't have any other names come to mind.”

The tiny fox started squirming in her arms pulling at the front of her dress. “Hungry, sweetie. Oh Gid, I have to go feed this baby. It's been real nice catching up with you.”

Gideon watched as the pig walked away with her baby. Once she was gone, he wondered if she really had changed. Really found the peace that she so wanted to find. It was something he'd never get to know the answer to because he never saw her again. Never heard from her, nor could he find the book she was working on. Janice (Hamm) Whitney might have well been a figment of his imagination, because she left no trace, at least not a physical one. Still to this day when he gets a whiff of her perfume, it causes a slight pang of fear.

“Hey babe, whatcha doing?”

Gideon looked down at the tiny Fennec fox tugging on his pant leg. Finnick was dressed in his snappiest tuxedo, a gift from a 'friend'. His sandy fur looked great in contrast to the white jacket, black shirt look. A red tie embroidered with darker red swirls looked snappy against the black background. “I was saying goodbye to some old friends.”

“You didn't mention me, did you?”

“Of course not, Finnick.”

“Good, because until I get my shit sorted out, we keepin' it on the down low.”

Gideon chuckled. “Well for you, it would be the way down low.”

“Ha! You got jokes?” Finnick climbed Gideon's frame sitting on his shoulder. “You know what's a joke, that Bearnaise sauce recipe you're rollin' with. Needs more tarragon or lemon and less throw-up.”

“Yes, dear.”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah, just thinking about this new diet.”

“You goin' on a diet? You don't need too, you look great. I like my lovers like I like my steak, fatty and bad for me.”

“I was thinking I could lose about twenty pounds of fox, the easy way.”

“How ya gonna do it?”

“Dropping your ass in the pool.”

Finnick started laughing, wrapping his arms around Gideon's head giving him a great big cheek kiss. “You funny! Looking, that is.”

“Yeah, I love you, too.”

Gideon chuckled as he carried Finnick through the doors and down the stairs to the limo waiting for him at the curb. Finnick hadn't let up on the laughter, still playing with Gideon's ears. Gideon walked up, just as the driver opened the door for him.

“Live it up, Gid. Tomorrow we going back to humble living.” Finnick whispered in his ear.

“Humble living, that sounds nice.”

“You know what else sounds nice?” Finnick started, as Gideon slid into the back of the limo.

Before Gideon could answer, Finnick whispered something in his ear. Whatever it was made Gideon's eyes pop open, his ears instantly starting to burn. Sweat prickling his face.

“So make sure you tell the driver to put up the privacy screen.”

“Where too, sir?”

Gideon looked at the driver with a smirk on his face. “I want a tour of the boroughs and some privacy please.”

“Certainly, sir.” The driver closed the door and hurried around to the drivers side.

“Oh, we're taking a long way home.” Finnick mused as he grabbed Gideon by his shirt collar pulling him into a deep kiss that started Gideon's head spinning.


End file.
